~ Making A Mountain Out Of A Molehill ~

2011-01-11T22:08:00.002+08:00

如果這世界所有大小事可以不用金錢來衡量。

面對事實。選擇平凡。

Goofy

2010-12-21T13:20:00.000+08:00

Rawrrrrr.

Can't believe how i just goofed the entire year away.

徒劳无功

2010-12-21T13:15:00.002+08:00

Welcome back, Ernest.

It's been a long while since you last blogged. And yes, the angel is long gone. And so is that 煙花過後又是寂寞 feeling.

你只一輩子究竟要經歷幾次的徒勞無功？

Amazingly, there are those you have (finally) managed to leave behind. Good job, Ernest. It gives you a better soul.

我想你還是別繼續挂念著那短暫的煙花。因爲她大概是不會再為你燃放了。

Let's move on.

Parachutist

2010-09-28T21:57:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, during a very terrible phase, an angel simply parachutes down into your life....it puts things into perspectives again and life seems to be less grim after all...

Let's hope this angel stays around a little longer on this express train called life.

2010-09-16T23:47:00.002+08:00

前面的這條路越來越難走。

但我一定會一直走下去。

需要把雜念撇開，把生命過客一一忘掉。越過前面的這道墻之後，再從新開始。

奮鬥，我們一定要勇敢奮鬥，戰勝惡魔。

2010-09-07T23:26:00.001+08:00

为什么越来越堕落？:(

~

Inception x 2

2010-08-15T11:59:00.002+08:00

I watched it twice! And here's something cool from the Internet.

~

Recent Movies - New and Old

2010-07-31T09:45:00.002+08:00

Rating: 6/10
In celebration of the 10th anniversary of the prequel 槍王 which is better. This one's got a weird plot.

Rating: 6.5/10
For some reason

Rating: 8/10
Good performance by Ben Stiller. Don't understand why he repeatedly screwed up his chances with the girl which could've worked out.

Rating: 7/10
This movie is good for a few guy friends to watch together. Quite hilarious.

Rating: 8.5/10
You don't really need to watch Toy Story I & II to know what's going on in this Part III. Very touching and heartwarming.

Rating: 6.5/10
I like this kinda film set in the WWII backdrop. But plot seems a little weak though.

Rating: 9.5/10
Probably one of the best thriller movies i've watched. Solid performance by Leo. He's just damn good in playing this psycho-breakdown kinda role.

Rating: 6/10
I just caught this at the theatres yesterday. It's pretty entertaining n that's abt it.

Rating: 7.5/10
Also watched a couple of old films including this one. Nice scenery of Lijiang, China. Plot is touching but a bit too slow moving. But this kinda show is like that one i think.

Rating: 8/10
Another old film based on Jon Krakauer's book. It's based on a true story so it's very real...some very intense performance put up by the main character.

Rating: 7.5/10
I caught this movie by Christopher Nolan after watching Inception, trying to see if it's as good as other Nolan films such as Dark Knight and Batman Begins. It's pretty good I would say considering it's Al Pacino playing the lead character. Some very nice footages of Alaskan mountains also.

~

Fail

2010-07-27T21:59:00.000+08:00

Level 2: Fail

~

Talking Tom Cat

2010-07-25T11:58:00.004+08:00

Kinda regret installing this app on my mom's iPhone. Now Talking Tom Cat is parroting everything my mom says, keeping my mom amused.

Actually after a while, Talking Tom Cat does look a little sinister. I wonder whether it will wake up in the middle of the night and say something random out from the phone.

The app is available F.O.C from itunes store.

(picture source: http://itunes.apple.com)

~

Book

2010-07-22T00:44:00.003+08:00

Saw this book at popular...straight away thought it's very apt in describing our predicament. I think it's a self-help book...preaching all those things about how we should pull ourselves together after setbacks and get on with life more meaningfully.

I think i'll buy the book and let everyone in the family have a read...will do it when things subside.

~

重生

2010-07-22T00:35:00.003+08:00

"如果你的生命在某個階段活得彷如死了，結果有兩種。第一：繼續活得不死不生。第二：重生。結果，我選擇了重生。活出美好。我發現：當你選擇活出美好，黑暗將會使不出力勁。朋友們，共勉之！誠意分享我的故事"。

~

Downtime

2010-07-17T11:36:00.002+08:00

Times like this when i feel like if only i were older and more capable of protecting my family from external harm.

No matter what, we must fight on and give ourselves some justice.

When darkness encroaches..

2010-07-12T22:23:00.002+08:00

All i see are dark clouds everywhere.

But at least there's one piece of gd news in the family....Sis is going to Paris...at last after a long long wait.

Wants to read....

2010-07-09T01:06:00.004+08:00

失控

2010-07-03T03:11:00.000+08:00

需要檢討一下工作上的態度。。。。

Wall painting

2010-06-26T13:05:00.003+08:00

This is part of my company's corporate social responsibility work...everyone took half a day off yesterday to do wall painting at the Institute of Mental Health.

We thought this was gonna be Mission Impossible cos it doesn't seem like anyone in the Group has artistic talent. We tried to follow the picture on the projector, draw the outline on the wall and paint over it...and then after a while..we sort of just decided to do things our way...

And it only took 5 of us 3 hours to get this done :)

~

More to come!

2010-06-26T13:02:00.002+08:00

My sis is going paris! Congrats...sis! Don't need to think liao..just go...you've no idea how many people you will benefit if you go!!..haha

And that probably means i'm going along tooooo...sometime in late Sep ba...hoping to do the UK/France/Spain trip then

And then her grad is in December back in Melbourne...should be another trip to look forward to...Maybe can go Tasmania.

~

Weekend cycling

2010-06-13T14:28:00.002+08:00

Again it has always been quite a refreshing experience viewing Singapore from the other side of the island...

i love the bike trips i do with my econ pals...would wanna do it more frequently.

~

Redang

2010-06-13T14:08:00.002+08:00

Went Redang with Thor, GY and KY almost immediately after coming back from Japan. And at that point i thought i was mad becos i haven't quite finished up my CFA revision.

Getting to redang is a sheer pain...10 hr overnight bus ride + 2 hr ferry ride...and essentially we only spent 1 and a 1/2 days on the island. We went during the super-peak period...there were way too many beachgoers...when we went snorkelling, there were more human beings than fishes in the sea!

No doubt the shores look like how we see them on postcards..and the island has gained much popularity after the 1999 Sammi & Richie Ren's movie 夏日的麽麽茶 which was filmed on the same beach that Laguna was built on. I could imagine the beach and the waters were 10 times more beautiful before the resort was built.

~

Eating non-stop in Japan

2010-06-13T13:52:00.003+08:00

I love Japan

2010-06-13T13:26:00.004+08:00

My first official date with Japan...the Tokyo/Osaka and the Kyoto/Nara/Hakone side of Japan. And I would tell myself at the end of the trip, if i love this country, i would probably come back again many many times in the future...

Frankly I think Tokyo and Kyoto are probably most representative of Japan...one the cospomolitan and highly advanced facet...the other the zen and simple facet.

It actually reminds me of Germany alot...the people there are civic minded, public transport is disabled-friendly, places are generally damn clean (you can hardly find dustbins anywhere), everything seems to be so systematic...you just have to go with the flow.

Food wise was damn solid too. If i were a richer, i'm sure i would love japan even more :)

~

Back

2010-06-02T21:27:00.003+08:00

Very long nvr update blog le. These days people get so busy i wonder if they still blog or read other pple's blogs.

Anyway, i'm back from my 2 trips. And now i'm days before my CFA exam...having huge inertia to do my revision despite being on study leave this whole week (it's a terrible thing to do to go on holidays just b4 exams...but i did it anyways.)

Will probably do two separate entries of the trips when i have the time.

I'm quite looking forward to after this sunday...lots of things i wanna do...begin my weight-loss regime, my job-hunt, world cup 2010, japanese classes, cycling trips, reading etc etc.

Right now i just have to focus on nothing but passing the damn exam.

I keep telling myself there's nothing to lose....but actually i paid a grand for it. Damn i do have something to lose....

2010-04-24T16:47:00.003+08:00

Just when i kept complaining how shiong a month April is gonna be, it's coming to an end!

Still having kept up to speed with work and CFA revision. Haven't had time to plan out Japan in detail also! And my two already-quite-bochup travel companions also v bz at work.

Getting a little frustrating...

WAHNSINN

2010-04-20T22:02:00.001+08:00

Two holidays b4 CFA exam!

I think im insane!!!

No coffee for a week

2010-04-05T23:39:00.002+08:00

I've been getting irregular heartbeats. Just sitting there at my office desk, i can feel beneath my chest a percussion ensemble playing to some quirky rhythm.

And all of a sudden, i was very scared that the beats would suddenly stop, my breathing stops and I just collapse at my table and die without having kissed goodbye to my loved ones. And the first person who sees me collapse has to be Geraldine of all people.

What they call arrhythmia or irregular heartbeats could be the result of excessive coffee drinking that leads to abnormal cardiovascular activity such as as increased heart rate. A more severe case could be palpitation which is the awareness of one’s heartbeat, which may be due to fast or irregular or even normal heartbeat.

I do not know the exact cause of this but I swear it's got something to do with my 2- or 3-cups-a-day. It's funny each time something bad happens we just have the amazing ability to find something immediately to fill the cause.

And so it is....my irregular heartbeats as a result of my compulsive coffee-drinking. I'm gonna make it an effort to abstain from it for a week. Hopefully, i don't get side effects like bad headaches.

Pick-pok...pick-pok...pick-pok......this is what i wanna hear...not pick-pick-pok or pick-pok-pick or pick.......................................pok.................................pickpokpickpokpickpokpickpokpickpok.

~

random grand travel ideas

2010-03-28T11:48:00.003+08:00

i) Casual drive down the Romantic Road, Germany/Austria (2 weeks) ==> 3 stars

ii) Eastern Europe Grand Circle (3 -4 weeks) ==> 5 stars
(Munich > Berchtesgaden> Salzburg > Budapest > Bratislava > Krakow > Berlin > Dresden > Prague > Munich)

iii) Laos - HK overland (1 month) ==> 5 stars
(Bangkok > Luang Prabang > Vientianne > Hanoi > Sapa > Nanning > Guang zhou > Shenzhen > Hong Kong

iv) London > Paris > Bordeaux > Barcelona ==> 3 stars

v) Italy & Greece (10 -14 days) ==> 2 stars

vi) Beijing > Tian Jing > Inner Mongolia ==> 2 stars

vii) Tokyo > Nagoya > Kyoto > Osaka ==> 3 stars

break

2010-03-28T11:32:00.002+08:00

Break at last (had to clear leftover leave from last year if not they get forfeited)...5-whopping days, 1 and a half of which are gone already.

I was at first hoping to go on a short holiday alone, but ended up giving myself too many excuses for not wanting to get away (air tix too ex la, not worth the money la, quite boring to go to the beach alone la yada yada). If gee can do it, why i cannot leh? (but gee bo bian la...haha)

And it's really damn sad/loser if i tell pple i'm staying at home these 5 days trying to mug my CFA textbooks. But still, a break is a break. It's meant for doing things other than work, things big or small which i usually have no time to do cos of work depleting most of my time and energy.

Sigh, 看來我就得像很多人一樣，平平淡淡過這一生。也許多數人都沒有我這樣有手有腳，有精力有資本，但卻不懂得put them to good use. 有時候想，人生短短幾十年。世界這樣大，天外又有天，我又爲何不出去走走，擴大視野呢？

難道真的要有個伴兒才行嗎？我應該珍惜眼前的所有，沒有負擔的生活。。。抛開那些無路用的雜念，踏出家門去外頭看一看這奇妙的世界，看看人間之情味，更是要體會江湖之險，人心之險。

是時候了。我不管那麽多了。

Where to find the time to read?

2010-03-07T01:54:00.005+08:00

I'm reading multiple books at once right now... Murakami's 1Q84 in Chinese, Mark Zuckerman's The World's Greatest Trade about John Paulson and his very successful hedge fund, Sammi Cheng's Worth It, The Great Gatsby, Jonathan Strange & Mr.Norrell by Susan Clark, Malcolm Gladwell's What the Dog Saw, and thinking of starting on Kafka on the Shore.

In my to-read list, i also have

i) Catch 22
ii) Clockwork Orange
iii) One Hundred Years of Solitude
iv) Love in the Time of Cholera
v) A Room with a View
vi) Animal Spirits
vii) Les Miserables
viii) Sherlock Holmes Complete Stories Vol.1
ix) Lord of the Flies
x) Mrs Dalloway

And there's all the CFA books waiting for me to sink my teeth into.....can't seem to focus on any one thing for an extended period of time :(

~

Recent movies

2010-03-07T00:07:00.002+08:00

The Hurt Locker
Rating: 9/10
This film will be competing with Avatar for Best Picture at this year's Oscars which will be held tomorrow night. I must say this is no typical war film. Other than the gunfire scenes and the tremendous amount of suspense pumped into the plot via the bomb defuser's role, there is intense emotional sparring among the characters in the film as they struggled to maintain their sanity at the warfront. A great war film with great suspense! Still, i think Avatar is probably more likely to bag Best Picture at tmr nite's Oscars.

No Puedo Vivir Sin Ti (不能沒有你）
Rating: 9/10
This is a Taiwan Indie film that was shot in black&white and won last year's prestigious Golden Horse Award for Best Film of the Year. It's about an unlicensed commercial diver who has to bring up his young daughter without having legal custody to her. He had to be separated from the daughter as a result, and was driven to such desperation that he threatened to commit suicide with his daughter by jumping off a bridge in front of national TV. This is a film that sheds light on the plight of some unprivileged people of our modern society, and probably the failure and apathy of the government in helping these people.

14 Blades (錦衣衛）
Rating: 3/10
I was looking forward to watching this film because of the supposed interesting storyline and the fact that Donnie Yen had already put up 2 very good performances in Ip Man and Bodyguards & Assassins. But the film turned out pretty crappy with lots of drama between Yen and female co-star Vicki Zhao, and a whole slew of pop idols put on large screen. Turns out rather comical than action-packed. This is one Donnie Yen film that's way below my expectation :(

City of Life & Death (南京！南京！)
Rating: 7/10
I actually watched this pretty long ago together with The Hurt Locker since it's also a war flick. This film is shot in b&w and highlights the plight of soldiers defending the city of Nanking against Japanese invasion, as well as the women who were left to be raped by the Japanese soldiers. Good film beyond a mere history lesson, but probably a little dull considering it's the 3rd or 4th film made about the Rape of Nanking.

Amelia
Rating: 6/10
Strong acting by Hilary Swank kept me googling and reading up Amelie Eckhart, a notable female pilot who went missing in one of her round-the-world voyages as she tried to set a world record in the 1930s. The plot was a little draggy and wasn't a particularly great biography in my opinion. But still, this remains a tribute to one of the greatest female pilots of all time whose fate remains unknown to this day.

Treasure Hunter (刺陵)
Rating: 2/10
I watched it half expecting an interesting treasure-hunting archaelogical story of some sort, and half wanting to watch pretty Lin Chi Ling. But this really is one shitty film. You might just be able to catch it on Ch8 as one of those CNY 'blockbuster' movies next year or something. Blockbuster my foot lor. But yea, don't even think about getting the DVD. I don't even think it's worth your time sitting in front of the TV watching it.

Precious: Based on the Novel "Push" by Sapphire
Rating: 7/10
Solid acting by Monique who plays the mother of fat girl Claireece "Precious jones (Gabourey Sidibe) who got raped by her own father and was accused by her mom of stealing her guy. Good acting by Mariah Carey too. How often do you catch Mariah Carey starring in movies? Lots of profanity in this film which adds lots of flavor to this sad little tale.

Nine
Rating: not 9/10 for sure....maybe a 5.
I watched this show on my bed when I was half falling asleep. The only thing i remembered about this musical film is probably Penelope Cruz's appearance in her underwear while dancing in her very sexy outfit. Was expecting this to be as good as Moulin Rouge or Chicago but it doesn't even come close despite having a star-studded cast.

An Education
Rating: 6.5/10
I don't really like watching British films but found this coming-of-age one not bad actually. Carey Mulligan put up strong precocious performance in this film, having to struggle with adult issues such as marriage and deceit while still a student. This is a show that can educate girls the importance of education instead of blind pursuit for romance n dependence. It kinda paints a very bad picture of men though.

From Paris With Love
Rating: 5.5/10
Action-packed film starring Travolta and Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Lots of gunfight and carchasing but not quite as good as any of those Bourne/Bond films. Don't quite get to see enough scenery of Paris also.

Did You Hear About The Morgans?
Rating: 5.5/10
Romantic comedy starring a weird pairup between Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker. I find SJP way more charming than Grant for some reason other than because I'm a guy. A good glimpse of faraway Wyoming and its stark contrast with Chicago/NYC. Very nice soundtrack as well. I think that's pretty much about it.

Valentine's Day
Rating: 6.5/10
This is one Vday film that I really had a good laugh and also a feast for my eyes given so many chiobus starring in the show - Jessica Alba, Jennifer Garner, Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway etc. Didn't know Taylor Swift can be so bimbo as well. I wonder what kind of show Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus can star together in if we put them together. A good festive film!

Valentine's Day
Rating: 7.5/10
I'm really surprised Jeff Bridges and Colin Farrell can actually sing in this film about a country singer who's broke and has a bad liver for alcohol. When he met a divorced entertainment mag journalist (Mag Gyllenhaal), he got seriously romantic with her but soon turned the woman off because of his bad drinking habits. And when he decided to go on a rehab and start afresh, the woman is not there for him anymore, leaving him with his sad old guitar and a stage that still welcomes him. Seems like life is never easy down the rocky road.

Up In The Air
Rating: 8/10
I actually like this show very much. It's got a pretty simple plot of this guy (George Clooney) who gets flown around the States firing people each time there's a corporate downsizing exercise. He meets a woman on one of his flights, got deeply in love with her, only to find out soon after he clocked his 10millionth freq flyer mile that the woman is actually married and everything was just an episode in his life. I actually thing it's quite a cool, albeit harsh and a little cold hearted, job to be hired by people to fire people.

Let's see how many more movies i can watch...til the next update...

~

Travel ideas pls

2010-03-07T00:03:00.002+08:00

I have the entire Good Friday week off...still deciding on a place to go...

Hanoi, Manila, Cebu, Luang Prabang or Kuala Terengganu for golf + Redang beach?

Don't mind going alone really..need to get away for a while, reflect on why i'm so ill-tempered and irritable of late...

But looks like might end up not going anywhere..which i know i'll regret rotting away at home not getting down to mugging for my CFA exam...

CFA exam revision misery is gonna start real soon.......time to brace myself for it. But need to get away for a while first.

Empress Dowager

2010-02-25T23:08:00.002+08:00

How quickly the week has zoomed past....it's been one hell of a hectic one indeed..having fought a couple of fires at work.

It's the 2nd week of work for our new group head, my boss's boss, and already she's been making a very deep impact in the way things are run in our shop. She's pretty fierce, aggressive and strict. And she's already nearing 60! A veteran indeed. I call her the 'empress dowager'.

She seems gentle on the outside but beneath the kind benevolent look is the 威嚴 that you can never imagine. She's taking the entire department by storm, and in her eager pursuit to find out how things work in our shop, she's picked out every obvious and subtle flaw in our processes. And obviously she's not happy about them, and she's gonna do a Reformasi in the next couple of months. Sounds really scary indeed.

But for sure she is aware of the kind of work everyone in the team is doing. And now that she's shouldering the weight of the world (all the retail offices selling funds around the world report to her now), she's gonna make sure everything gets done without working me and my colleagues to death. And now that the department is about to take it more chores from other parts of the bank, it worries everyone especially Empress Dowager how we're gonna cope with the sheer amount of work to come.

There's just so much politics in a big firm like my employer. Just today alone, i've seen some really nasty sides of people within the bigger group - covering of assess, feigning ignorance and pushing blames. And today i also learned a bloody big lesson: always make sure you know every single word of a document before penning your name on it, cos if anything happens, u will be held responsible.

And these all happen within a day, thanks to empress dowager's brilliant eye in identifying problems here and there. Now, everyone really needs to pull up his/her socks.

Jialat la...Empress Dowager seems to have gotten too comfortable yelling out my name already. Let's hope i dun become a eunuch!

But for sure, it's really invigorating to work for a toughliner like Empress Dowager. Even though I have only interacted with her for 2 weeks since she came onboard, to a large extent, she's really pretty admirable. I do hope i will grow to become more dynamic and capable under her leadership.

For now, I'm still worried about the major reforms that'll take place shortly in our department. Really hope there's time for me to revise for my CFA exam.

I hope i will survive. I shall start singing that song everyday in the shower.

~

Idiots At Work

2010-02-22T21:02:00.003+08:00

Now i can totally understand why some people get retrenched or fired apart from typical departmental cost-cutting reasons.

Cos they don't add value to the company at all. All they do is to waste people's time, they don't do their jobs properly (they make others do for them), they mess things up and put the reputation of the firm at risk....

There's a type of employee working in private banks called investment counsellors or investment advisors or whatever sexy name you wanna call them. These people are not bankers themselves (they don't have or are far from having their own portfolio of clients), neither are they assistants to the bankers (assistants or client support officers are important support people who gather data and book trades for clients). These people don't do investment research/management either. They are the mouthpieces of the investment/research guys who are ring-fenced from the bankers' clients for gawdknowswhat reasons (not every bank is like that of course).

So they basically repackage/simplify the words of the research guys for the bankers so that the clients can understand all the mambo-jumbo. Unfortunately, these half-f**k sales guys most of the time don't quite understand what investments are all about, hence conveying the research findings either in the vaguest form or totally getting the message across wrongly. I mean, come on, what they are capable of doing - the research guys are capable of doing. Why do we need so many of them to play relationship management for the relationship managers (bankers)? And guess what, these are probably the guys who are first to be asked to go in a corporate downsizing exercise. And that's cos they not just don't add value, they max out entertainment allowances and screw things up for their colleagues.

I swear if i were ever given the chance to redraw org charts, i would make sure these people stop repackaging things and better do more constructive stuff, or they totally don't exist at all in the organization.

Tmd...浪費公司的resources, 又害我少拿bonus.

~

2010-02-06T13:31:00.003+08:00

Took an uncrowded train that day down to boon lay on my way to the Home Team Academy.

The train hadn't felt so spacious in a long long time. I wished this country wasn't so populated.

2010-02-06T13:13:00.000+08:00

I'm going for her concert! It's on a Good Friday..woohoo!

~

段落

2010-02-01T21:14:00.002+08:00

今天我終于嘗到什麽叫做自作自受。

那滋味可真是要命啊。好像被龍捲風捲走一樣，並在風沙裏遭受塵埃的猛烈打擊。

簡直是折磨。我想這就表示過去的瘋狂追尋，也應該告一個段落了。

~

下一站。。。

2010-01-24T19:05:00.002+08:00

又是香港！

It's good to be back again (as part of my annual pilgrimage). This time round just for Mike and of course to take a final break before a long drought of holidays over the next few months.

This time round visited some places I have never been to previously (Knutsford Terrace, Saikong, Kowloon Bay, Kowloon City, Wong Tai Sin, Sheungwan) and also just kept eating and eating (5 meals a day!)

Sheungwan has lots of hidden treasures (food).

獅子山 and Wong Tai Sin

Halal beef cakes at Kowloon City

Seafood @ Saikung (took a one hour bus ride there from Kowloon City!)

Old school 茶餐廳 food at Central

Excellent Porridge near 永樂街 at 上環

~

Recent movies

2010-01-24T17:32:00.005+08:00

Have been watching many recent movies. Here's how I would score them:

Bodyguards & Assassins (十月圍城）
Rating: 8.5/10
Star-studded and lots of cameo. Most of the fighting scenes choreographed by Donnie Yen himself which explains why his own fighting scenes only came in towards the end and can't compare to Ip Man. Nevertheless, this has an interesting plot and characters are pretty well developed around the plot.

Sherlock Holmes
Rating: 7/10
This story is brand new and never part of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's books. Good performance by Robert Downey Jr and Jude Law. Was quite appalled when i heard Jude Law's gonna play Dr Watson, but his performance turns out not too bad after all. The CGI in the show was quite wtf imo.

This Is It
Rating: 9 / 10
I'm amazed by how quickly they can produce this movie just shortly after MJ's death. Then again, it's basically putting together all the backstage rehearsal scenes for his 2009 concert. Amazing way to have a look at how 'Sir Michael Jackson' manages people behind the scenes (let's put aside his f-ed up personal life). I think just the dance scenes and music alone would keep you glued to watching this. And it will keep you thinking how the concert would've turned out if he lived to perform his last show.

Avatar
Rating: 9.5 /10
Probably the most solid film in 2009 and together with Inglourious Basterds, this is one of the best films I've watched last year. James Cameron's 10-year effort at last and at least didn't disappoint. Definitely must go for the 3D experience. Many of the scenes just simply remind you of Vietnam War, The Last of the Mohicans, Star Wars, Hayao Miyazaki's floating mountains and Pocahontas! Still i find the plot pretty original.

It's Complicated
Rating: 5.5 / 10
I only just watched this yesterday with Theo after our golf session. It's supposed to be darn funny but I only found it a bit funny. It's one of those productions that allow old faces like Meryl Streep (who appeared in the recent Julie and Julia), Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin to show face on big screens again with simpler roles that allow them to simply be themselves. This is one show i should have saved the weekend $10.50 ticket and download and watch at home. Generally not my genre of films, but for a relaxing weekend, okay lah.

The Blind Side
Rating: 7.5/10
I got excited when i heard that this film is actually based on the one written by Mike Lewis. Never known anything about American football myself, perhaps I would've appreciated the story a little more if I had read up abit more about Michael Oher. Still, it's quite unbelievable how a rich white family woman can just pick up an african-american kid from the ghettos and raise him like her own child. Nevertheless, Sandra Bullock won the Golden Globe Best Actress award based on her role in this film. Although it is supposed to be a powerful role, I find her performance okay-only and wasn't as inspirational as I would've imagined. I mean this is a sports-based movie, but there's probably too much drama to contain within the 2 hour screening time of this film.

The Lovely Bones
Rating: 6/10
I heard the book was way better and also a lot more emotionally draining. Halfway through the show, this seems like a film that would appeal to many children and teenagers. Pretty good performance by Mark Wahlberg who played the Dad of the murdered daughter who was still able to witness from afar how her family's coping with her death. Plenty of metaphors and symbols in the film which would be good for literature studies. Still, despite the horrific murder part of the show, i still find it a bit too adolescent for my liking.

The Informant!
Rating: 6.5/10
This is a show about corporate whistleblowing go wrong. I watched this on the plane on my way to Hong Kong. Was too sleepy to really appreciate this political dark comedy that stars Matt Damon who plays a bipolar whistleblower reporting his employer’s price-fixing tactics through a 3-year surveillance by the FBI. Nevertheless it's interesting to see the multi-faceted Damon in a very different role again. Still, this is the kinda show you have to read the book b4 watching to fully appreciate. And you have to watch attentively. Unfortunately, it falls under one of those overly-intellectual genres that are my least-preferred.

2012
Rating: 6/10
Yet another disaster film literally, about the world coming to an end in the year 2012 and only a handful of people get rescued based on the Noah's Ark concept. And indeed, boats were constructed to save people and these boats were made in china. So i suspected there was some political message in the film - that these days, not only almost every damn thing is made in china, our lives will eventually depend and be saved by China. Like WTF rite? Anyways, i personally find this film lacks originality big time, probably cos all the natural disaster-related ideas have all been used up. I think only people who already have an apocalyptic view of life will enjoy this movie.

Brothers
Rating: 7 / 10
A pity i found out a tad too early this emotionally draining movie is a remake of the original Danish film with the same title, so naturally I thought i was gonna be in for some disappointment. Still, it's Natalie Portman, Jake Gyllenhal and Spiderman Tobey Maguire so it can't be too bad. Tobey Maguire plays a dehumanized U.S. marine captured by Taliban in Afghanistan, rescued and sent home while Gyllenhal plays his younger brother who just got out of jail and ready to face life again. That's what I liked about the plot - one brother turning from strong to weak after the trauma he's gone thru (he was made to kill one of his own men by the taliban), while the other grew out of his wilfulness and mischief and was filling his elder bro's shoes as the family man taking care of his bro's wife and children. And just as expected, the younger bro drew too close to the beautiful sister-in-law (Natalie Portman) and everything became complicated and the half-psychotic marine came back and accused his brother of screwing his own wife while he's away. Too cliche this part. Tobey Maguire acted pretty well as the deranged psychotic brother scarred from war. I think he's got the potential to act in other more sinister roles other than Spiderman of course.

My Sister's Keeper
Rating: 6 / 10
Again, heard this was a far cry and kind of a very different plot from the original book by Jodi Picoult. Too emotionally draining and too adolescent for my liking as always. The plot wasn't well developed especially how the younger sister was made to lie about demanding medical emancipation. Even though i didn't read the book, i know that's not how it's supposed to turn out. Surprisingly, Cameron Diaz put up a fairly good performance.

Invictus
Rating: 7.5 / 10
I was excited when I heard Clint Eastwood directed another movie - his last Gran Torino was damn good. But it's of a slightly different genre this time round but still has some political/social innuendos. It's a great film with a great story - something most people won't expect, that is how the leader of a country and its rugby team captain come together to deliver a strong message to unify its people. But 2 things i can't stand about the film - Morgan Freeman trying too hard to imitate President Mandela's way of talking, dragging his words as a wise old man; Matt Damon's faked South African accent was another pain to the ears. Overall, just like most other recent movies I've watched, this is only slightly above mediocre imo, unfortunately.

Looking forward to this year's Oscar titles. Hope there's one that is at least gonna stay impressionable a few years down the road from now.

~

49th day

2010-01-24T16:32:00.010+08:00

Yesterday was the 49th day since my God Grandma passed.

In Chinese customs, we would have to commemorate every 7th day up to the 49th day of the relative's passing, thereafter officially move the relative's altar from a secondary (lower) position in the house to the main (higher) altar deck, signifying that the deceased has completed his/her journey to the other world. Once rested on the altar deck, God Grandma's altar would be resting alongside her demised husband who passed away some 31 years ago, and also with the ancestral altars at the same level.

The ceremony was a simple yet traditional one. We made our offerings of some vegetarian food, fruits and candy bars, lighted joss sticks and burnt incense paper and bade farewell to our well-respected God Grandma (once again).

Before we left, mom and pap had a chat with God Grandma's immediate son and grandson, talking about God Grandma in her younger days. My uncle took out an old chocolate tin that contained many old photographs of God Grandma together with random people, including my uncle himself, my dad and my late great grandfather. And then they started raking up the old memories just by talking through these photographs, many of the stories driving at how my God Grandma was like as a woman back then. I can't help but to take out my iPhone and took a few pictures of these photographs. These precious photographs of which many stories were told.

This is a priceless picture taken some 55 years ago. A family portrait that was an important part of every decent household's living room decors, when children symbolized hope and prosperity of the Chinese. Sitting in the middle are God Grandma and her late husband, both of whom I heard were very ill-tempered people. The kid on the left is my dad while the fatter boy on the right is my uncle. Sadly, both boys weren't the flesh and blood of the couple sitting in the middle. After God Grandma had a miscarriage, for some reason, they just stopped trying for kids. Uncle pointed out to me how intimately God Grandma was holding my Dad's hand in the picture. He said it spoke a lot about their relationship back then. My mom said that when a kid isn't your own flesh and blood, no matter what the kid wouldn't accept you wholeheartedly as his/her own parent. I think this is quite true.

This very unfriendly looking man is my great grandfather. This was part of a picture of him and a little boy with a typical mainland chinese kid's hairstyle. It was this picture that successfully allowed my Uncle to enter Singapore. In those post-WW2 days when the old British government was extremely cautious with the influx of Chinese immigrants, they set strict laws that only allowed children whose relatives are in Singapore already to be able to come into the country. Great Grandpa had shown this photograph to the authorities and had to tell a lie or something because Uncle's natural parents are still back in China and there's no such thing as adoption or whatsoever. Naturally, birth certificates didn't seem to be a useful form of verification. So photographs were probably the best things to bring children from China into Singapore. Thereafter, Uncle was placed under the care of God Grandma and has lived with her since then.

I was often told God Grandma was a righteous and fearless (and therefore naturally ill-tempered) person. She was also adventurous, having lived through the times knowing that inventions had come about and that people are no longer stuck in their own silos in this big big world. So she traveled as much as she could. She had gone back to mainland China many times, something that showed where her heart really belongs to. In this picture, she was already at least in her late 70s but had no fear of doing things like crossing a bamboo bridge. Surely, it is her sense of adventure that allowed her to live such a long life. Truly admirable.

And then before we left, i took a walk around the spacious 4-room HDB flat as though tracing God Grandma's footsteps while she was still living in the flat. And then i stepped into the room she once occupied. It was spacious and rather empty except for the bed she once slept on and an old-school dressing table that was kept in more or less the same condition as when God Grandma was still around.

A phone with giant buttons for the elderly who can't see properly

God Grandma's room. It's sad walking into the room.

God Grandma's dressing table, pretty much still in its original state

I am sure God Grandma has moved onto a very much nicer place and is able to see all of us from up there. And now that she knows all the things about my dad's health that we have been trying to hide from her, I hope she has forgiven us for doing that and will continue to bless us with good health.

~

Tegami

2010-01-19T20:57:00.003+08:00

(Background music)

Kanji Tegami ~Haikei Juugo No Kimi E~ (Minna No Uta Ver.)

手紙～拝啓十五の君へ～

アンジェラ·アキ

拝啓　この手紙読んでいるあなたは　どこで何をしているのだろう

十五の僕には誰にも話せない　悩みの種があるのです

未来の自分に宛てて書く手紙なら

きっと素直に打ち明けられるだろう
今　負けそうで　泣きそうで　消えてしまいそうな僕は
誰の言葉を信じ歩けばいいの？
ひとつしかないこの胸が何度もばらばらに割れて
苦しい中で今を生きている
今を生きている

拝啓　ありがとう　十五のあなたに伝えたい事があるのです

自分とは何でどこへ向かうべきか　問い続ければ見えてくる
荒れた青春の海は厳しいけれど
明日の岸辺へと　夢の舟よ進め
今　負けないで　泣かないで　消えてしまいそうな時は
自分の声を信じ歩けばいいの
大人の僕も傷ついて眠れない夜はあるけど
苦くて甘い今を生きている

人生の全てに意味があるから　恐れずにあなたの夢を育てて
Keep on beliving

負けそうで　泣きそうで　消えてしまいそうな僕は
誰の言葉を信じ歩けばいいの？

ああ　負けないで　泣かないで　消えてしまいそうな時は
自分の声を信じ歩けばいいの
いつの時代も悲しみを避けては通れないけれど
笑顔を見せて　今を生きていこう
今を生きていこう

拝啓　この手紙読んでいるあなたが
幸せな事を願います

~

Romaji Tegami ~Haikei Juugo No Kimi E~

Haikei kono tegami yondeiru anata wa
Doko de nani wo shiteiru no darou

Juugo no boku ni wa dare ni mo hanasenai
Nayami no kanae ga aru no desu

Mirai no jibun ni atete kaku tegami nara
Kitto sunao ni uchiake rareru darou

Ima makesou de nakisou de
Kieteshimaisou na boku wa
Dare no kotoba wo
Shinji arukeba ii no?
Hitotsu shika nai kono mune ga nando mo barabara ni warete
Kurushii naka de ima wo ikiteiru
Ima wo ikiteiru

Haikei arigatou juugo no anata ni
Tsutaetai koto ga aru no desu
Jibun to wa nani de doko e mukau beki ka
Toitsu dzukereeba mietekuru

Areta seishun no umi wa kibishii keredo
Asu no kishibe e to yume no fune yo susume

Ima makenai de nakanai de
Kieteshimaisou na toki wa
Jibun no koe wo shinjiaru keba ii no?
Otona no boku mo kizutsuite
Nemurenai yoru wa aru kedo
Nigakute amai ima ikiteiru

Jinsei no subete ni imi ga aru kara
Osorezu ni anata no yume wo sodatete
La la la, la la la, la la la
Keep on believing
La la la, la la la, la la la
Keep on believing, keep on believing, keep on believing

Makesou de nakisou de
Kieteshimaisou boku wa
Dare no kotoba wo shinji arukeba ii no?
Aa Makenaii de nakanai de
Kieteshimaisou na toki wa
Jibun no koe wo shinjiarukeba ii no
Itsu no jidai mo kanashimi mo
Sakete wa torenai keredo
Egao wo misete ima wo ikite yukou
Ima wo ikite yukou

Haikei kono tegami yondeiru anata ga
Shiawase na koto wo negaimasu...
~

English title: Letter

Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
Where are you and what are you doing now?

For me who's 15 years old
There are seeds of worries I can't tell anyone

If it's a letter addressed to my future self,
Surely I can confide truly to myself

Now, it seems that I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?
This one-and-only heart has been broken so many times
In the midst of this pain, I live the present

Dear you,
Thank you
I have something to tell the 15-year-old you

If you continue asking what and where you should be going
You'll be able to see the answer

The rough seas of youth may be tough
But row your boat of dreams on
Towards the shores of tomorrow

Now, please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice
For me as an adult, there are sleepless nights when I'm hurt
But I'm living the bittersweet present

There's meaning to everything in life
So build your dreams without fear
Keep on believing

Seems like I'm about to be defeated and cry
For someone who's seemingly about to disappear
Whose words should I believe in?

Please don't be defeated and please don't shed a tear
During these times when you're seemingly about to disappear
Just believe in your own voice

No matter era we're in
There's no running away from sorrow
So show your smile, and go on living the present
Go on living the present

Dear you,
Who's reading this letter
I wish you happiness..

~

Cash is king

2010-01-19T20:40:00.002+08:00

I have never felt so poor in my entire life before. My current combined bank account balances now total up to less than what I used to get each month during my NS days.

And then i think about the upcoming large ticket items on my spending list and the multiple cash advances I have to make, it's difficult not to be frugal.

Looks like I not just made bad investments, but also over-invested pretty badly. Such are times when I learn my lessons about liquidity.

When I finally getta turn around, I swear I will never have to feel this way again.

~

Naked Walls

2010-01-12T21:51:00.003+08:00

Came home from holiday to find that my mom has removed all the stuffs on my walls and brushed the walls clean.

Feels weird having such naked bedroom walls now. But looking into my room from the door, the room does feel a little more spacious somehow...

~

職業病

2010-01-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

Can't believe i repeatedly typed 'Temple' as 'Templeton'.

職業病...confirm!

~

Annual 'pilgrimage'

2010-01-03T13:23:00.005+08:00

It's HK again - 9-12 Jan. Must think of what to do when i get there. I wouldn't have gone if not for SIA's fare promotion and Mike happens to be in HK then (it's really hard to catch him in HK, and just nice he's gg back to the States on the 12th)

This would be my 5th time in HK since 2003, seems like I've been there every year except 05 and 06. Trying to recap what I did in HK during my last few visits.

Dec 2002-Jan 2003 - first time in HK. This was like a JC grad trip. I was in HK for a whopping 9 days and was staying at FKC's place in Shatin. Had a taste of residential neighborhood life in HK. I remembered FKC's place was at the foot of a mountain and it was winter time, so it was fugging cold. We went to various places like Cheung Chau Island and Shenzhen. And i met up with JC classmate Gordon and went to Ocean Park with him - we took the rollercoaster at least 4 or 5 times just to get to sit at the front of the car. And soon after, I got back to Singapore and began by National Service.

Dec 2003 - Did a Taiwan-HK combined trip with FKC and Ivan Huang, and then met up with Mike in HK. FKC had already started uni at HKUST. I can't rem if FKC and Finn were together already or not, but I think i met her and Ah Shan at the HKUST hostel. We had many drinks and I was drinking for Ivan huang cos he was down with a fever after a massive diarrhoea from a spicy meal in Taipei. I rem running along the beach at HKUST yelling "I wasn't drunk!" and then crashing into a bush puking away. Went to Mike's house the following day and crashed for a large part of the day. Went to Stanley Beach with Mike, FKC and Ivan Huang and played soccer there with a bunch of kids beside the beach. I rem the kids were damn pissed cos we kept scoring goals against them.

Dec 2004 - Both Mike and FKC were in HK and I visited them days before my ORD. I couldn't rem if Mike and Ah Shan got together alr or not - probably not, if not Mike wouldn't have time to accompany me this time round. But FKC and Finn were already together for more than a year. FKC, Finn, Mike and myself did a 2D1N in Macau. We tried our luck at the casinoes and it was an eyeopener. We rem getting conned by a taxi driver who brought us to this restaurant called 海盜船. There was no one in there and we felt cheated! Golden Sands was ready by then but many parts of Macau were visibly still under development. Another memorable thing on this trip was the BBQ outing at Stanley Beach where we rented a kerosene lamp and sat by the chilly waters and BBQ the meats we bought from Wanchai i think. Other places i visited included the Big Buddha at Lantau Island. The cable car wasn't ready then so Mike and I took a very long bus ride from Tung Chung. I rem that was where we had a vegetarian meal and i took a free copy of the Guan Yin script that i later accidentally burnt it during the BBQ at Stanley Beach.

May 2007 - It was some 2.5 years later that I visited HK again. Was there with Joshua, Serene and Serene's friend and we caught Sammi Cheng live in concert at the HK Coliseum. It was my first and only concert experience in HK. The coliseum looks run-down but the acoustics were good. Sammi had a fantastic performance that I will always remember. Places we went..hmm..we ate at Yong Kee which was touted to be the best restaurant in HK but we were damn disgusted by their level of service. A waitress broke Josh's camera and they didn't offer immediate compensation. FKC and Finn both had started work for more than a year already, and we took the NgongPing cable car up to see the Big Buddha at Lantau Island. It was foggy like hell and we quickly left.

Jul 2008 - HK again after my internship at Merrill. This time I went with JX and met up with Evan who was doing a one-month exchange programme in HK. Everywhere in HK, there were Beijing Olympic decorations. The weather was gloomy in the months leading up to Lehman collapse. In the financial district, i could feel an ominous atmosphere everywhere and that was perhaps just the beginning of what's worse to come. Just like any of the previous trip, I went up the Peak but this time round decided to go visit the Madame Tussauds Museum at the Peak Galleria. Had quite a lot of fun photowhoring with JX. It was also one of the first times I didn't take a single picture on the trip at all, cos my camera was spoilt. So JX did all the phototaking, and for the first time I have so many pictures of myself enjoying the holiday! Met up with FKC and Finn again of course. FKC seemed to have grown rounder than ever. JX and I went to check out more food places on our own this time round. Hing Kee claypot rice and Yau Ma Tei!!! I will be back for more next week! We also did a trip with Evan to Macau and visited the newly-opened (ok not that new by then) Venetian. We had excellent Portuguese Macau food too! JX and I went to Ocean Park and was caught in bad weather and also crowds of Mainland tourists - Yucks! That was also where i received a phonecall from my boss telling me I got a job offer with Merrill! Kept me happy the whole time!

I don't think i really have had the ultimate tourist experience in HK yet despite going to HK several times. But FKC always discourages me from doin' all the touristy stuffs cos they are either expensive or boring. I have no particular interest in HK Disneyland though. Other things i would like to do though is to visit Wong Tai Sin temple, have seafood at Saikung, check out drinking areas at Knutsford terrace, chiong the factory outlets at Southern Horizons, have BBQ again at Stanley Beach! Again, the purpose of this coming trip is mainly to meet up with Mike since it's not easy to catch him in HK. And now that there's a new member in the EXk club - Mike's got a new gf for close to a year already, it would be sort of a different travel experience again, especially in the absence of FKC and Finn, both are in Shanghai for work.

Let's see how the trip goes. It will be the last of my many holidays in Dec/Jan before I get super busy at work again. Let's hope i getta check out new things in HK this time round.

~

My impatience

2010-01-01T23:27:00.003+08:00

Today I was at Jurong East MRT station Popular Bookstore queuing up to pay for my stuffs. I was kinda in a hurry cos Mom & Dad were waiting for me at the supermarket to go back together.

And then I realized the queue wasn't moving - a couple at the cashier counter with a kid was holding everyone up as they were filling up membership forms and fiddling into their purses looking for coins. And that's where i was cursing under my breath until i figured the husband was a deaf and he had trouble making himself understood to the cashier.

And then i saw how nonchalant the two ladies in front of me were - they were waiting patiently in the queue as they figured the deaf husband and his family needed more time to settle the bill.

I stared blankly and thought about how impatient i was until the cashier called out to me to move forward. I can't really put in words what exactly is the lesson i shld be learning from this little observation of myself. Has it got something to do with my impatience or my becoming coldhearted?

~

Book-shopping on New Year's Eve

2010-01-01T20:08:00.002+08:00

Somehow, I can really feel myself immersed in the ubiquitous consumer-spending culture during this festive sale period.

I was spending like a mad man! but things really seem quite cheap - got myself a PUMA Ducati jacket for only 85 dollars, and then saw a couple of books going on discounts yesterday.

Here are the books i bought:

~

Goodbye, 2009.

2010-01-01T19:05:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year!

It's amazing how 2009 zoomed past just like that, with a couple of holidays and parties to mark the end of a year of unexpected events for myself.

I remember just 10 months ago, i was still sitting in the SMU seminar room listening attentively to the prof and fighting hard for class part just like what I had done over the past 4 yrs. In my graduating sem, I was determined to shore up as much knowledge as I could with the school fees i paid, so I did things like Urban Econs & Real Estate Finance which led me to conclude that I am really no economist and that my 4 yrs in SMU masquerading as an intelligent being in the sch of econs was really quite a shame on myself. In that semester, I did a creative writing course where I rediscovered my love for literature and fiction - something that keeps me sane amidst the number-crunching routines in my current daily work.

And then that same period proved to be a tough one for me and my family as Dad suffered a relapse of his cancer that had the whole family plunge into another depression. It was a 9-month battle before he was eventually liberated again. This episode made me see things from a very different perspective - now as an adult versus how i see it a few years back when I just turned 21. I regretted my wilfulness back then. And it felt strange how I start seeing myself replacing some of the roles that used to be undertaken by my Dad.

And with the family crisis goes all my grad trip plans whatsoever. I was, however, able to make a trip to Shanghai to witness for myself the changing landscape of the fastgrowing country of China. It kept me thinking about the path I should be taking down the road in a few years' time. Somewhere, sometime, it had to be China. It was also a good get-together with FKC and Finn, keeping up our good old friendships in a land we never once did expect ourselves to be. I have plans to go back to China again for a backpacking cum history trip across various ancient cities.

More shocking news as the year moved towards the halfway mark. Just when things are all set for me to join Merrill Lynch, i received a call from my boss that he has left to join Standchart and is offering me a job at the new place. I had to settle for a pay cut, but on hindsight, it was a blessing to have the opportunity to learn how things work in a shop that just started out. Tough but satisfying. I can't say with great conviction now, but I will know sooner or later. I am fortunate to be working for the same boss still and also having the company of lovely and amiable colleagues.

And the moment i came back from Shanghai, i was told by Dad to accompany my ill Sis to Germany for her research attachment over there. It would be my first time in Europe and it turned out to be a fantastic eyeopener after staying there for 6 weeks or so and travellin' to some 5 countries and 10 cities. Paris was very memorable. And i had my first road trip in Sardinia, Italy. My first attempt at driving a manual car after obtaining my driving license 5 yrs ago, wasn't too bad after all. A pity I couldn't go to more places because I wasn't spending my own money and my primary duty is to help out with my Sis in the first place. I will go back very soon for London, Spain and France for sure!

Michael Jackson died on the eve of my return to Singapore. I remember seeing many people standing in front of a large screen at Frankfurt airport crying as they watched the news about MJ's death.

A few days later, work started...zoom zoom....very quickly, a few months went by. Amidst the heavy work, i found myself committed to taking golf lessons, business mandarin classes and mugging for CFA. Again, there was quite a bit of stretch over there. CFA revision was really painful after taking a break from studying for more than half a year. Getting the golf proficiency certificate was a good way to go on holiday trips over weekends. I'm glad a couple of close uni friends share the same interest in this. It's an uber heavy maintenance hobby, but I hope it will sustain for at least quite sometime. I have gone on one golf trip to batam, and I still haven't bought my clubs! Business mandarin was an additional step to me fulfilling my career-in-China dream. I never knew my Chinese was so bad until I did the course. It's a very good course I must say, especially the part on doing presentations in Chinese. I am contemplating whether to do a business translation course starting next week. Again, I could be stretching myself too much.

December was an extremely lazy and sluggish month. All my plans for December didn't seem to work out somehow other than going on my holidays. I had great inertia lugging my ass to the gym and getting some work out. Dad's godmother passed away this month at the age of 95. That episode made me realize my generation of people have quickly been swept into the next and replacing our fathers and mothers.

Zoom..zoom....and that brings me to the end of 2009. I have also found myself starting to invest actively in the markets, learning more ropes, more lessons and understanding the psychology of investing through my personal experiences. But seriously, I think this year and next are probably the best years for making money and I am glad I am participating in this global recovery.

Today is 1st day of 2010. Seriously haven't thought about what I really wanna do for this year. I wanna get fit again, that's for sure. I wanna go on a few self-financed holidays. I wanna continue to ride the waves in this global economic recovery, which means I probably should expand my investment scope to beyond the Sg market. I wanna get promoted and move on to other responsibilities at work. I wanna get a decent handicap in golf and be able to enjoy the sport sustainably with my good friends. I wanna go U.S to visit Michael. I wanna do a trip in the Kansai area in Japan, which is a good reason for me to pick up my Japanese again. I wanna finish my CFA Level 2 in style (need to pass level 1 first).

Will probably do quarterly checks to see how much of the above i can actually achieve realistically.

Let's see how it goes.

~

Sausage Fest @ Bali

2009-12-17T20:02:00.002+08:00

10 Dec-13 Dec 2009
(with sean, KY, GY and dex)

~

Death in the family

2009-12-15T23:23:00.002+08:00

God Grandma (Dad's godma) passed away last sunday, n that was just after i completed my CFA exams. Was back in office and completely swamped cos needed to finish up all the work before i headed off for my bali trip. So the first half of last week was crazy for me.

Godgrandma's already 95 yrs old. I was told she's as old as my late grandfather if he were still alive. Godgrandma was an old neighbor of our family. When Dad was a little boy, being youngest in a relatively big family, he was often a neglected child and was adored and well looked after by Godgrandma. At one point, Godgrandma even asked my Granddad if she could adopt Dad as her son, having lost a child of her own thru' an unfortunate miscarriage. She never had a child of her own after that. In her youth, she was a righteous but vengeful person. My own grandma, being the 2nd wife of my granddad, was often 'bullied' by the older wife. Godgran felt terribly unjust for my grandma but couldn't do anything more than lending some space in her house for grandma during grandma's confinement days after giving birth to Dad.

Up to her very last days, Godgran still very much regarded Dad as her own son, often asking about him despite long periods of disconnect during the days of Dad's cancer treatment. Everyone kept her in the dark though, afraid she would be overly upset about Dad's conditions back then.

That day at the funeral wake, it was the first time i saw Dad tear in a very very long time. He must have thought of those difficult times when he grew up under Godgrandma's care even when he's not her own flesh & blood. How could that kindness ever be repaid?

Anyway, the whole episode just flashed past very quickly in less than 4 days. I think it's probably cos Godgrandma was already v old, and her days were already numbered, so everyone was kinda mentally prepared. Godgrand fell down and was admitted to hospital the week before her passing, and Mom was informed about it but decided not to Dad know lest he worried too much. On hindsight, i was a tad pissed that Mom kept Dad in the dark cos Dad could've gotten the chance to see Godgrandma for one last time. But oh well, the intentions were good anyways. At least that saved Dad and Godgran some worries.

Year after year, with each old folk's demise, i was reminded of how quickly I had grown up into an adult, soon to find a gf, fill the shoes of a husband, a father, and walk the path that my Dad and Granddad had once taken. And while this process continues to evolve, when our hands are occupied with more responsibilities, we struggle to find time for ourselves and to be left alone. And in these pockets of personal times, we often have to stomach bouts of emptiness that often arise when we start asking ourselves what is the purpose of living our lives?

I shall think about it again tomorrow.

~

CFA revision in progress

2009-12-01T14:28:00.002+08:00

Snippets:

YJ: What is kurtosis ah?
TW: Just think of it as an erection. The higher the kurtosis, the greater the erection.
YJ: Then positive/negative skew depends on whether it's left or right huh?
TW: Haha.

~

That time of the year (again)

2009-11-16T23:09:00.003+08:00

Can't believe year after year, i just have to keep putting myself thru' this torment, just cos it's part of what we call the 'rites of passage'.

Somehow I don't even know if i'm Analyst material. So I am just giving it a shot. The exam is paid for anyways...but that's precisely why i can't let myself and my sponsor down.

3 weeks to go. I need to focus.

Ernest, you can do it.

~

2009-11-08T11:42:00.002+08:00

It's Sunday morning, and I'm all fresh and getting down to some mugging. But my mind occasionally still drifted away...

Got this sudden thoughtabout doing an MBA at Fontainebleau Insead some day. Don't know why Insead of all prestigious MBA schools. Maybe cos got this urge to go France. Could this thought become an aspiration and then become reality?

It's time to chart my directions...slowly but surely.

I need to get out of here.

2009-11-05T23:08:00.001+08:00

Amassing my tools.

Hope i can get out of here and off to fix the world soon....

Litost

2009-10-29T23:18:00.003+08:00

Was reading The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera and came across this interesting word called Litost.

Here's the passage verbatim i stole from somewhere...

What is Litost?
Litost is an untranslatable Czech word. Its first syllable, which is long and stressed, sounds like the wail of an abandoned dog. As for the meaning of this word, I have looked in vain in other languages for an equivalent, though I find it difficult to imagine how anyone can understand the human soul without it.

Let me give an example: The student went swimming in the river one day with his girlfriend, a fellow student. She was athletic, but he was a very poor swimmer. He could not time his breathing properly and swam slowly, his head held tensely high above the surface. She was madly in love with him and tactfully swam as slowly as he did. But when their swim was coming to an end, she wanted to give her athletic instincts a few moments’ free rein and headed for the opposite bank at a rapid crawl. The student made an effort to swim faster too and swallowed water. Feeling humbled, his physical inferiority laid bare, he felt litost. He recalled his sickly childhood, lacking in physical exercise and friends and spent under the constant gaze of his mother’s overfond eye, and fell into despair about himself and his life. They walked back to the city together in silence on a country lane. Wounded and humiliated, he felt an irresistible desire to hit her. “What’s the matter with you?” she asked him, and he started to reproach her: she knew about the current near the other bank, and that he had forbidden her to swim there because of the risk of drowning - and then he slapped her face. The girl began to cry, and when he saw the tears on her cheeks, he took pity on her and put his arms around her, and his litost melted away.

Or take an instance from the student’s childhood: His parents made him take violin lessons. He was not very gifted and his teacher would interrupt him to criticize his mistakes in a cold, unbearable voice. He felt humiliated, and he wanted to cry. But instead of trying to play in tune and not make mistakes, he would deliberately play wrong notes, the teacher’s voice would become still more unbearable and harsh, and he himself would sink deeper and deeper into his litost.

What then is litost?

Litost is a state of torment created by the sudden sight of one’s own misery.

One of the customary remedies for misery is love. Because someone loved absolutely cannot be miserable. All his faults are redeemed by love’s magical gaze, under which even inept swimming, with the head held high above the surface, can become charming.

Love’s absolute is actually a desire for absolute identity: the woman we love ought to swim as slowly as we do, she ought to have no past of her own to look back on happily. But when the illusion of absolute identity vanishes (the girl looks back happily on her past or swims faster), love becomes a permanent source of the great torment we call litost.

Anyone with wide experience of the common imperfection of mankind is relatively sheltered from the shocks of litost. For him, the sight of his own misery is ordinary and uninteresting. Litost, therefore, is characteristic of the age of inexperience. It is one of the ornaments of youth.

Litost works like a two-stroke engine. Torment is followed by the desire for revenge. The goal of revenge is to make one’s partner look as miserable as oneself. The man cannot swim, but the slapped woman cries. It makes them feel equal and keeps their love going.

Since revenge can never reveal its true motive (the student cannot confess to the girl that he slapped her because she swam faster than he did), it must put forward false reasons. Litost, therefore, is always accompanied by pathetic hypocrisy: the young man proclaims he is terrified his girlfriend will drown, and the child incessantly playing off key feigns an irremediable lack of talent.

Whipped by neon

2009-10-20T23:19:00.003+08:00

Life continues to be plain sailing without you, just like driving aimlessly at night, getting lost in the sea of neon lights. Perhaps I was looking for you but I was not sure about it.

I felt a jolt each time I thought i drove past that familiar figure of yours walking along the pavement, thinking where you have been, the joy and laughter you had, debonairness that I once knew about you.

If it were really you, and I bravely swerve the car to a corner, pull off by the road and get off to catch hold of you, holding you tightly by your arms, will u feel the same jolt that I get? Will that skinny frame that I fiercely clamp my hands upon be yours? Or does it belong to a mistaken random soul who would soon after slip out from my hands and return to join the party crowd, leaving me desperate for a cigarette under the piercing neon lights?

Where exactly is my destination?

~

Relief

2009-10-08T23:12:00.003+08:00

You should have seen it in his eyes. Unspeakable joy and relief.

We were just waiting for the doctor to utter those words. Even the contents of the biopsy report didn't matter. Papa shook the doctor's hands fiercely and told him he was an excellent doctor. And the doctor just went "huh?"

It's been something like 10 months since the battle began. And from what it seems right now, we have emerged the victors.

As Papa stepped out of the clinic, he dug into his pockets for his cellphone and eagerly called his closest elder brother to inform of the gd news, like a little boy calling home to inform big bro that he has gloriously beaten up some son of a bitch in school.

I leaned over my umbrella and heaved a sigh of relief, thinking from this point on, things will only get better...and they better be.

~

二五仔

2009-10-04T17:54:00.004+08:00

Good old days of striking resemblances..haha

我地都係警察！

~終極無間~

Ernest wants to read about....

2009-10-03T21:22:00.002+08:00

Vince Lombardi

Evita Peron

Cultural Revolution

Can someone recommend a title for each?

~

一個工作狂的半點苦水

2009-10-01T20:49:00.004+08:00

今天傍晚，我拖著疲憊的身心走出了辦公室。在地鐵列車上，我開始繼續閲讀手裏拿的書，過了一會兒便找到了位子坐了下來。

讀著，讀著。。。視線開始模了糊。我把書本放了下來，過後便睡着了。奇怪的是一到了目的地站，身體便自然而然醒了過來。真是神奇。

無論再疲倦，身理鈡始終不打亂。節律也一點不放慢，接著便順著人群以同樣沉重的腳步離開了地鐵站。

究竟何日才能打亂這日復一日的工作生活韻律，享有自己定下的拍子，聆聽世界停頓的寂靜呢？

我很期待那一天的到來。

~

Decades of Fashion

2009-09-20T12:12:00.006+08:00

Just watched Coco Before Chanel and found it really similar to La Vie En Rose which was a biographical film about Edith Piaf. The latter was a much better film though as its multiple Oscars awards speak for itself.

Interestingly, that was where i found out about the long-lived 'Little Black Dress' which Coco Chanel designed for herself in 1926 shortly after her lover's death. And from then on, Coco's contributions towards Haute Coutre kickstarted a whole century of amazing fashion trends in women's clothing. No wonder she's the only person from the field to be in Time Magazine's Top 100 Most Influential People of the 20th Cenury. Here's how women's fashion has gradually evolved, undeterred by wars, calamities and cultural paradigms.

(courtesy glamourmag.com)

The ’30s trend: LBDs
When Coco Chanel debuted the little black dress in 1926, it wasn’t (shock!) an instant hit—black had previously been reserved for clergy or people in mourning. It wasn’t until the Great Depression in the ’30s that women saw the genius of a simple dress you could get cheap and that would never go out of style. The rest is fashion-emergency history.

The ’40s trend: menswear
We can thank Katherine Hepburn for working sleek pants into the Hollywood-approved wardrobe. In masculine trousers and shirts, she proved it was possible to look glamorous and be comfortable at the same time. The newest way to wear Hepburn-esque trousers? Mix in girly stuff, like ruffled blouses, big necklaces or cocktail rings.

The ’50s: pencil skirts
The best reason to adore Dior: The French designer created the pencil skirts popularized by the era’s stylish First Lady, Jackie Kennedy. The silhouette still flatters all shapes—it sleek-ifies hips! it elongates legs!—making it a fashion no-brainer.

The ’60s: minis
British designer Mary Quant’s shorter-than-ever-before skirts captured the rebellious spirit of the decade—and quickly became a favorite of stylish young women on both sides of the pond. Though fashionable hemlines have been on a roller coaster ever since (midthigh to ankle to knee-length), a cute mini with a pair of black tights will be forever chic.

The ’70s trend: platform shoes
First introduced in the ’40s, the style exploded in the’70s when even men’s soles soared to airy, disco-ready heights. The best of today’s styles have none of that decade’s unwieldy chunkiness but all the height-giving sexiness that made us love them in the first place.

The ’80s trend: sexy jeans
When the hot model of the decade Brooke Shields breathily declared, “Nothing comes between me and my Calvins,” jeans suddenly went from sporty weekend wear to glam wardrobe staple.

The ’90s trend: minimalism
Sensory overload from the neon and Lycra of the’80s had designers in the early’90s offering sleek, neutral-tone fashions. Though other trends made a splash throughout the decade—grunge, Goth, hip-hop—it’s this less-is-more vibe that’s lasted.

~

Suddenly swamped

2009-09-16T23:07:00.002+08:00

I definitely need better time management, judging from the whole range of commitments coming my way.

There are so many things that require my attention now that I have to write them down somewhere.

It's time to live everyday like a rollercoaster ride.

再見了，戰友。

2009-09-12T09:09:00.003+08:00

Auntie Lily 走了。

9月9日2009, 我們失去了一位勇敢的戰友。

這一位我未曾見過的女人，仿佛是在一場戰爭裏的一名我軍戰友。雖然未曾碰面，但她的英勇和奮鬥精神，我們都明瞭。

Auntie Lily，請你安心上路。兩位女兒一定會堅強活下去，因爲在她們心中，妳永遠都是一盞明亮的燈。

~

She's cool

2009-08-30T22:59:00.003+08:00

One of the few Mainland singers I really pay attention to.

~song in backdrop: 女孩与四重奏~

Authors

2009-08-29T17:22:00.004+08:00

Today I went to the library to pick up some books, one of which is John Updike's My Father's Tears & Other Stories. The title immediately caught my attention considering how my life has been revolving round my own father in recent years. So i read the short story My Father's Tears and straight away it reminded me of chinese author 朱自清's 《背影》 - a short story with a scene of how the author's father saw him off at the train platform when he in his youth was bound for beijing for further studies. Likewise, My Father's Tears also began with a similar scenario of Updike's father seeing him off at the train platform as the 18-year old him prepared to leave for Harvard U.

John Updike 朱自清

There was a line from My Father's Tears which played back in my mind for quite a bit on my way home from the library:

'It is easy to love people in memory; the hard thing is to love them when they are there in front of you.'

When Updike Snr. shook his son's hand on the station platform, his eyes glittered with tears. And this threw his son off track for they had never had occasion for such social gesture in the 18 years of John Updike's youth. Such is the manly contact between a father and his son.

~

Doc's words

2009-08-28T01:10:00.003+08:00

Today I finally realize how powerful a doctor's words can be.

It gave us another month of hope to believe that everything will be okay.

想對父親說的話

2009-08-26T00:00:00.005+08:00

今天父親的醫藥報告出來了。母親事先向醫療中心以傳真索取報告。我午飯后發送簡訊給母親探聽報告結果。

回來的簡訊卻帶著不祥訊息。

回到家見到父親躺臥在舒服椅上，開著的電視不發出聲響。這傍晚踏進家門的情景一點也不稀奇，我仍是對父親的沮喪感到十分無奈和無助。父親的痛苦緊緊憋在心裏，日復一日變得沉默寡言。這些日子與父親減少溝通，也使我對他漸漸產生一种父子之間的陌生感。我試著了解和體諒他的痛楚，但始終解不開他心中的結。有時我也覺得懊惱失望，就比如父親對我的畢業成就毫不一絲理會。他對所有事物再也無法產生興趣，整天把自己處為病人狀態。但畢竟遭受病魔百般折騰的人不是我。要捉摸父親的痛楚並非容易。我卻只能望著父親嘆氣。

每天見父親越來越頽廢沮喪，只叫我和母親憂心似焚。我相信父親並未輸給病魔，而是敗在自己的悲觀。若能保持樂觀與希望，必定還有可能打贏這場長年累月之戰。

明天到來時，父親我慎重請您勇敢面對醫生的解説與治療意見，無論分析結果是好是坏，父親我要你知道我們都已為你做好心理準備，再次並肩作戰。

父親，只要你對自己保持希望，試著讓我們幫你解答你心中的謎，我們的生活一定會過得更快樂更美好。父親，我有很多話想嚴肅的對你說，想勉勵你，想敬佩你那勇敢的作戰精神，但一直沒法跟你好好溝通。我們父子不善于表達自己，也不坦誠相對，所以我決定過了明天，無論報告結果真是好還是坏，我都會站出來對你說：父親，你要勇敢，你要為我驕傲。你更是要為你自強不息的奮鬥精神感到自豪。你仍是這家中的棟梁，更是我們看齊的靈魂人物。

父親，我要給你的再三確保，就是我一定會盡全力幫你走出這黑暗，證明給自己我們仍然是勇敢的戰士。請你不要再捆綁自己了。

~

New song

2009-08-24T14:44:00.001+08:00

若你碰到他
蔡健雅


我的脆弱坚强 互相作战
理性与感性 失去平衡感
不想让自己 活在过去的遗憾
问宇宙 他是否还爱我吗
这问题 早就有答案
若你碰到了 替我问候他
告诉他 我过得很美满
已忘记他 已把泪水全部擦乾
若你碰到了 替我问候他
祝福他和他的另一半
不在乎他 不再爱也不再等待
就这样吧 若你碰到他

爱 没有绝对 虽曾经以为
我终於体会 爱不能倒退
该让它颓废 收起心碎

若你碰到了 替我问候他
告诉他 我过得很美满
已忘记他 已把泪水全部擦乾
若你碰到了 替我问候他
祝福他和他的另一半
不在乎他 不再爱也不再等待
就这样吧 若你碰到他
就这样吧 若你碰到他

~

SMU Competitive Levels

2009-08-23T23:18:00.003+08:00

At 0-10% class participation component of the final grade, only the best/top student of the class speaks up.

At 20% class participation levels, you typically see this number of hands in the air. Some, like Sean Spencer 同學 (first row on the right), stands up to capture greater attention. Doesn't him being angmoh already makes him stand out from the rest? Eeyer..

At 25% class participation levels, the rest also stands up and some sits on the table. Ang moh 同學 changes strategy and raises both hands. "Prof, can't you see i've got a bigger nose than the rest??"

And sometimes, class part can go beyond 25% and competition heightens. Nevertheless, you still have some students (such as Harvey Cheong, third row beside the aisle) who thinks that the ones who truly stand out are those who don't put up their hands.

Some height-deficient students with proportionately shorter hands continue to try very hard. You can tell who are these students hor? The female students, who are clearly outnumbered, strives to maintain their poise.

During the break, all students take their naps to regenerate their energy for further class participation later.

After the break, the fierce competition continues. This time round, even the girls can't take it any longer.

"Me! Me! Me! Me! & ME!"

At 100% class participation, everyone moves from his/her chair to the tabletop.

And when they have gone berzerk from the overcompetition, they turn into angels and demons. Ok, just demons.

~

Lists

2009-08-23T19:01:00.006+08:00

Reading list:

i) The Remains of the Day (Kazuo Ishiguro)
ii) Never Let Me Go (Ishiguro)
iii) The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)
iv) My Father's Tears & Other Stories (John Updike)
v) Daughter of the Clergyman (Orwell)
vi) Rabbit, Run (John Updike)
vii) To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
viii) Mrs Dalloway (Virginia Woolf)
ix) Kafka on the Shore (Haruki Murakami)
x) Catch 22 (Joseph Heller)
xi) Catcher in the Rye (J. D. Salinger)
xii) To the Lighthouse (Virginia Woolf)
xiii) Lolita (Vladimir Nabokov)
xiv) The Berlin Stories (Christopher Isherwood)
xv) The Sun Also Rises (Ernest Hemingway)
xvi) Clockwork Orange (Anthony Burgess)
xvii) The Woman with the Whip (Mary Main)
xix) The Book of Laughter and Forgetting (Milan Kundera)
xx) Singapore to Beijing on a Bike (Khoo Swee Chiow)
xxi) Into the Wild (Jon Krakauer)
xxii) The Trial (Franz Kafka)

Learning List:

1) CFA Level 1
2) Business Mandarin for Finance & Accounting
3) Conversation Japanese
4) Golf Proficiency Certificate

~

Mom's old friend

2009-08-19T22:20:00.004+08:00

Mom came into my room today, telling me how her long-time friend Auntie Lily can't take it anymore.

Auntie Lily was my mom's room mate back in her college days at the then Nanyang University student hostels. She is perhaps one or two years younger or older than my mom. After losing touch for many years, Mom heard about Lily again through another ex-classmate, and it was because Lily was very ill from her cancer treatment. News spread fast among her old alumni clique people. And that was when Papa was diagnosed the same cancer for the first time. It's been close to three decades since Mom last saw Lily.

Auntie Lily had been fighting NPC for years, and after her fifth relapse, everyday seems like living hell to her. She opens her eyes weakly every morning and simply lies on her bed motionless, not able to perceive what's going on around her anymore. Her doc has ceased giving her further medication for fear her life would be consumed faster than if let alone. Mom says her days are numbered. A true fighter Lily has been. The last time Mom visited her a year ago or so, she told Mom to relay a message to Papa - that cancer patients like them are brave and fighters like them shall never give up. I believe Lily's younger daughter has finished her A levels. Years back when she was struggling with her relapse, Lily told herself never to give up on her life because she wants to see her youngest daughter make it to university. And with that thought she persisted and fought on til today. Not a day goes by when she gave up on herself.

Mom got wind that Lily has become much sicker than before and was determined to go visit her again before she might never getta see Lily again. Mom told me to avoid talking to Papa about Lily for fear he might get depressed over his own relapse which happened for the first time this year. I do not know how Mom is feeling right now, probably sad and probably worried for Dad's future health. And knowing an old friend's about to be lost to the jaws of death simply doubles that misery.

I believe Auntie Lily is still fighting hard even though she has lost her vision, her sense of hearing and is too weak to reach out for her daughters. But i am sure at anyone time, as long as she is conscious, she knows her girls are right beside her giving her all the comfort and assurance she needs. A college beauty she once was, as Mom describes, Lily will always be as beautiful as her vain old trendy self some thirty five years ago. Even til the very end. At least that's how her ex-room mate will forever remember her to be.

~

First sign of 'mean reversion'

2009-08-13T21:40:00.004+08:00

Yesterday and today felt like the same day.

My eyes reluctantly opened exactly at the point when the clock's minute hand passed the 7.40am mark. First sign of precision.

I woke up on the same side of the bed with exactly the same frazzled hair. And again, subconsciously, i pulled out another white Gold Lion shirt from my wardrobe without a second thought...took the same amount of time in the shower and then left house exactly at the same instance as i did yesterday. And I am pretty sure i had my right foot out of the door first as always.

On my way to the train station, taking the same and probably shortest possible path, I met the 74 year-old indian man again...at the same spot just behind the HDB block across the road from my house. He is my neighbor and he just completed his daily morning exercise at the stadium. My mom knew him and i met him in the lift once when he was talking to my mom. Again, I tried to draw his attention by walking head-on towards him. And again, he walked around me..not casting a glance.

At the train station, I proceeded towards the front end of the platform where the first door of the first train compartment would opened for me. Again, the Pasir Ris-bound train coming down from Woodlands was too packed for anyone to get into. So again, I (we) waited. The familiar indian couple, the extremely skinny girl wearing a sleeveless top and another Indian worker in his same old purple pants showed up at the same spot on the platform. The wife of the couple had her Business Times with her as usual and she flipped directly to the crossword puzzle section again and was seen whispering into her hubby's ears - the same words every morning. This is probably the #345679876543 time the same group of us gathered at this spot at this very minute of the mundane morning, waiting for the same train which would carry at least 75% familiar faces.

How many times coincidence? I don't know. Seems to me like a mean reversion of everyone's bio-clock, and probably their daily range of activities and behaviours as well.

What has become of this life? Will tomorrow hold the same truth as yesterday and today?

~

There goes another week

2009-08-07T00:11:00.003+08:00

The weeks just go on slipping by without giving you a tap on your shoulders. It's scary and it may make you feel lonely and empty after a while.

7 days in a week. Almost 5 full days on work, saturday for sleeping or pigging out, and Sunday for family and for yourself. What's left of the week are the few minutes you stand by your balcony window enjoying the evening neighborhood scene and the cool breeze after a good Sunday dinner.

And when you have that little time left, you shouldn't be wasting it on thinking of unworthy people or achieving the impossible or even try going to church when you totally are going there for the wrong reasons.

Instead,there are a few things you should be doing:

1) how to bring in more money for yourself? - what stock counters to pick up for the week if markets look set to head the right direction / play more mahjong and let out your frustrations on the table in exchange for your opponents' money / go queue up at 4D kiosks and try to understand why there are so many old men and women willing to donate their CPF/savings to Singapore Pools when it's prolly time for them to spend all that's left of their money on other stuffs.

2) who in your circle of friends truly deserve more of your time? - keep the close ones closer, and forget about those who only pay lip service or look you up for the wrong reasons

3) how to lose those ever increasing number of folds around your waist? - how to make youself look good?

4) which girl you should be asking out and why this particular girl? or is it time to enter new social circles? - this is something we single men should never give up on.

5) what kind of books to read beyond those that relate to your work? - you need to remind yourself there are also other things in this world that you want to appreciate and things that you can talk to other people about. Who the hell cares what you do at work?

6) Anything that can offer you some cheap thrill, and that's cos work really kills off your energy and interest in almost anything else. So the cheapest thrill will probably make your weekend very well-spent.

200

2009-07-25T12:09:00.003+08:00

This is the 200th entry since this blog started. I'd originally wanted to leave this entry to something special. But heck, before I know it, i'll probably be at the 300th sometime a few years from now.

I've fallen really ill the last one week or so. Got struck by the flu bug again and then got my stomach turned inside out as a result of popping too many pills on empty stomach.

I swear falling sick is simply one of the worst things that can ever happen to anyone. A sick man is a tired man, an angry man, a disoriented man. It makes one have a very negative view of life. And there everything that follows is self-defeating.

Let's hope for speedy recovery.

Rites of passage

2009-07-15T23:06:00.005+08:00

Seems like it's inevitable to eventually be swept by that irresistible tide into the giant whirlpool, be lost in the concrete jungle and then tossed onto the track where the rat race never ends.

It's been two weeks into the job. All's gone well so far. Lots of learning opportunities from big brothers and sisters at the workplace. Trying hard not to make myself look and sound unintelligent but i guess i can never avoid beginners' bloopers. The sad initiation for a junior analyst in a credit-crunching world. It all starts from being thick-skinned and raising the first stupid question during a team discussion. Getting tossed out of the salad bowl and then picked up and dumped back in again.

I am looking forward. A tad too forward, maybe 3 to 5 years into the future, whereby I can look back and share with my colleagues the joy and satisfaction of laying the foundations for the business at the firm. That's provided I survive the everyday concrete jungle warfare till then.

So it seems many aspects of working life did turn out like what I had expected. I guess I have stopped swimming against the tide. But I hope I don't drown. And I know it sounds silly, but I've been psychoing myself to look forward to work everyday, the knowledge and experience awaiting my collection, the people I shake hands and exchange name cards with, the slow climb up the ladder and the ability to spend money carefreely.

But losses are aplenty. Loss of time, loss of touch with some friends, loss of old forgotten skills, loss of appreciation for all that's associated with the beauty and serenity of the quiet, plain and simple, loss of touch with matters at home, matters involving those who truly matter to me. I guess some of these losses are inevitable because time and energy are just such scarce resources.

As cliched as it sounds, we all are masters of our own time and there is always time for everytime. It's just a matter of will power, a bit of discipline, a bit of prioritization and planning and a bit of sacrifice. I was hoping to revise Jap all over again and pick up from where I left it off. I also wanted to learn Business Mandarin, golf, acoustic guitar etc fleeting desires. But all these still became secondary to paperchasing. It's C-to-the-F-to-the-A for me at the end of the year. I better make sure I still have the motivation to study for it while I'm still fresh from school.

And of course I want to look good or look even better, gonna do my running regime all over again and I swear I won't pay lip service this time round. It's for good health anyway. The day when I fill my Dad's miserable shoes might eventually come, but I don't wanna wait till the day comes without putting up a fight.

Everyday I just wanna garner strength and inspiration and be as tireless as I can with the scarce resources I have. I want to gain insights and derive pleasure from the everyday visscitudes of life. I wanna rock boats with every surge and ebb of the tide. I wanna look back and remember how I ascend from one lower lifeform to a higher one, and marvel at how brilliant this transformation has been. And while my tireless army marches on, I do also wish I lose neither my bearings nor myself.

~

Graduation

2009-07-15T23:06:00.002+08:00

Grad Nite@FullertonHotel07102009

With jianxiong & Evan

RJ class

Commencement Ceremony@SuntecConventionHall07112009

With Wensi and Weiling

Econs people

With Aunt and Mom

The spot of bother remains.

2009-06-29T01:26:00.004+08:00

Time and again, I keep tearing down the friendship that was still under reconstruction and towards completion.

Why can't I just stop expecting anything from her? So what if it reduces to a hi-bye friendship? Does it matter if i still know her anymore?

But it bothers me...i'm bothered by how estranged she has become towards me. I have taken to heart every single word she breathes for the fact that I dun even hear that many words from her anymore.

I need to stop making assumptions over this person who has now become as distant as a star. I need to stop all this self-denial. I need to work harder to rid this spot of bother. I need a new state of mind. A pristine phase of life.

And you who is at the subject of my self-infliction shall stay. For I shall give myself more time.

Europe - a pleasant surprise

2009-06-25T16:24:00.007+08:00

I'm going home real soon.

And it sucks to know I only have one Sunday to rest before starting work officially the next day. And it sucks even more to have to part with all the nice people, nice scenery, nice food and nice weather here in Europe.

Germany has been a pleasant surprise for me. Three major German cities (Berlin, Munich and Hamburg) made it to FT's Top 30 most livable cities in 2009, and I kind of know why. Dusseldorf itself is very livable indeed and much of my initial worries (except for trying to avoid tram conductors) were totally unnecessary on hindsight. But then again, it's all about expectations I guess. I should have expected more from this place.

Communication has proven to be a little problematic outside the university but generally many people can understand and speak some English. And even if they don't, I have never felt I was shunned or anything. I have seen the utmost sincerity of the people here which is quite a stark contrast to our Singaporean (or Asian) typical behavior. I am grateful to the guys and girls at the uni lab for making me feel at home and my time here a very pleasant one.

I think in general, Europe is really a place for lovebirds to hang out, for retired couples to strengthen their love or to repair any past wounds; for individuals to find space for self-expression (graffiti, music, art, dance..basically anything); for coniferous forest lovers; or simply for someone who enjoys people-watching over a cup of coffee while putting behind all the angst and worries from his or her hectic life. I think there is a reason for every mountain, lake, river, lake, bridge or castle to be part of the beautifully-painted picture.

And for all the short trips I've made in Europe, Berlin and Munich were a lot more organized than I had expected. Zurich and Lucerne are just absolutely slow and also very expensive. Did my first ever road trip with JJ in Sardegna which was really an eye-opener. The Spaghetti Carbonara, the beaches and the crystal-clear waters were fantastic. Paris would be an extremely meaningful place for some romance. No vices for me in Amsterdam at all but the windmills, canals and stroopwafels were unforgettable. And of all the churches I visited, those that really wowed me at first sight were the Duomo in Milan, the Sacred Heart Church at Montmartre in Paris and the Cologne Dom. The St.Gereon at Cologne was also very impressionable with its beautiful stained glass windows and the peace and quiet within.

A pity I couldn't visit more places such as London, Barcelona, Rome etc. Would love to do more roadtrips in the future though. Time to find some travel kakis who've yet to been to these places.

Need some serious adjustment of my lifestyle from this point onwards. Time will become a more scarce resource than ever. I need to have enough sleep and exercise. I need to think about how to spend my weekends fruitfully. I need to plan and divide my expenses accordingly. I need to do more indepth research into the stocks I invest. I need to seek more knowledge and education. I need to stop gambling my life away. I need the motivation i had when i was in NS. I need to have more control over my life. I need to stay true to myself. And I need you.

~

Shanghai Memories

2009-05-14T15:58:00.008+08:00

Didn't have much time to put up pictures in the previous shanghai trip entry. And now that i'm in dusseldorf with all the time in the world, I'll do some photo recaps of that trip.

All pictures courtesy of Cindy :)

The Bund / 外灘

L：東方明珠電視塔 R：Shanghai World Financial Centre

美麗夜上海



Yes we went Haoledi sang KTV. I went there twice!

~

And how can we forget the good food...

小楊生煎包


南翔小籠包


L：Giant 湯包 R：上海年糕



川菜@俏江南 restaurant

More Shanghai dishes

Paulaner's and Cafe Luna @ 新天地

~

Waiting.

2009-05-13T16:58:00.000+08:00

Hope the offered salary is good.

~

In Germany.

2009-05-13T16:30:00.002+08:00

Dusseldorf's been great so far (after only 3 days..haha)

Staying in this area called Wersten where the Heinrich-Heine Universitat is located. Lovely neighborhood, lovely people especially my sister's colleagues from the university lab. They've been extremely helpful. Thank goodness most people here can speak English, if not really damn jialat.

The 20 min stroll to the uni is really nice. Along the way there's a stream with ducks swimming around and beautiful flowers lining the banks. I believe the stream leads to the Rhine River. And then the walk beside the stream leads to the Botanical Gdns which are just at the University's backyard. I've visited their canteen where the students have their meals, looks like the IKEA cafeteria. The Sch of Botany lab where my sis works is the only place i can get free Internet. Using internet in the apartment costs a bomb (1.95 Euros per hour!).

Where my sister's lab is located is really convenient. It's 100 metres away from the university tram stop. I had nothing to do after walking my sis to her lab yesterday so decided to venture downtown by taking the tram from the university. At the tram stop, I met a German Law student who was extremely friendly and loves interacting with Asians because he learns Chinese Kung Fu and admires China very much. He brought me to walk around Dusseldorf HBF which is the main train station in town. There were Chinese and Asian supermarkets around where I bought white rice and other cheenapok stuffs. You can hardly find white reis in German supermarkets! And then the guy treated me to Doner Kebab (2nd time I've eaten that since I came). Seems like that's one of the cheapest meals around just like what they always say.

Hmm....nothing much in the neighbor except for some nice parks where i can put on my runners and go jogging. Still trying to finish shopping for groceries these couple of days. Already pretty much settled down already. We're gonna have a bicycle which my sister's supervisor has kindly lent to us. Gonna cycle around the neighborhood during the weekends to look around for more interesting stuffs and of course more groceries so that I can learn some decent cooking back in the apartment.

Am also looking at Eurail passes cos we have plans to go on several weekend trips. So far on the itinerary we have Amsterdam, Brussels, Paris, Berlin and Munich. I guess i can do day trips for other German places like Cologne, Bonn, Koblenz or even as far as Hamburg. Hope sister's health gets better while she finishes up her project at the lab and there be no hiccups to all our travel plans.

Will be visiting more places in Dusseldorf downtown this weekend. Til then I will provide more updates. Hope everyone is safe and sound at home and those on the roads have a fun and safe journey also.

Unexpected news

2009-05-03T18:19:00.002+08:00

Still feeling a little disoriented since I came back from Shanghai.

School is over (finally). And I was still dreading coming back to sg during the last few days in China, thinking how miserable it would be to face reality once again.

And then from out of the blue, i received a call from Papa saying that he wants me to go to Germany to accompany my sis who'll be there for research work, cos sis has been unwell lately. And then i find myself caught in between the two of them - Papa wants me to go Germany look after sis and sis wants me to stay back and keep an eye on Papa who's still undergoing chemotherapy. I got a little confused.

And then the decision's been made. I'm going Germany with sis. for at least 4 to 6 weeks. I'm totally not prepared for the trip at all. We're leaving in 6 days time and i'm just beginning to get excited about the trip. I've been learning some basic cooking skills from my mom and finding out more about Germany from friends who've been there on exchange. What do i know of Deutscheland? Other than Oktoberfest and abit of Bundesliga, nothing else!

~

And then comes another stunning piece of news. It's regarding my job at ML. Just got wind of my boss's departure from ML. And with that come a few complicated issues. Will discuss more in detail soon.

~

Oh and to KY and his mom, hope everything's gonna be ok. I mean it'll definitely be ok. So hang in there and tide thru these hard times. I'm always around to share info.

夜上海街道穿行

2009-05-03T17:44:00.003+08:00

It's been a good 10 days in Shanghai/Qingdao...a bit too much time in Shanghai though. Thanks to FKC and Finn for the free lodging and their excellent hospitality.

Qingdao was surprisingly fun and relaxing and super chill (and literally chilly). Good place to go for a summer holiday if you happen to be in China.

Shanghai on the other hand, is just too big to describe. Just like any other big city, Shanghai is home to some of the richest and most modern and fashionable people in China and workplace of many from all around the world. It's easy to get around by cab and metro. Things are not that cheap though. Qingdao's prices are easily one-third of Shanghai's.

The most important mission for this shanghai trip has been accomplished! That is to meet up with FkC and Mike. 還是那老樣子。就是工作忙了一點。

And just look at this photo that's taken in 2003 when three of us met in HK the last time. So much more prosperous-looking now eh? haha.

And how can we forget Dr. Hwank. I met him the day before I left for Shanghai. If only he were in Shanghai for a more complete gathering.

《上海攻略》總算圓滿成功！

~

又是離開的時候

2009-04-19T19:09:00.001+08:00

Shanghai / Qingdao for the next 10 days. Be back on 30 April.

Finally have a chance to get away.

~

Washed out.

2009-04-12T11:47:00.004+08:00

That feeling kept lingering in me. It just wouldn't go away. The train was never this quiet and empty (and cold), but it was so tonight. On this very night, I felt washed out...washed out by my own mental turmoil and self-tormenting, like a tired beast after banging his head against the iron grills of his cage.

As drama as it seemed, this song played out in my mind as the train cruised along the tracks in the dead of the night.

Angel Eyes

by Sting

(from "Leaving Las Vegas" OST)

Have you ever had the feeling
That the world's gone and left you behind
Have you ever had the feeling
That you're that close to losing your mind

You look around each corner
Hoping that she's there
You try to play it cool perhaps
Pretend that you don't care

But it doesn't do a bit of good
You got to seek till you find
Are you never unwind

Try to think
That love is not around
Still it's uncomfortably near

My old heart
Ain't gaining no ground
Because my angel eyes ain't here


Angel eyes
That old devil sent
They glow unbearably bright
Need I say
That my love's misspent
Misspent with angel eyes tonight

So drink up all you people
Order anything you see
Have fun you happy people
The drink and the laugh's on me

Pardon me
But I gotta run
The fact's uncomfortably clear
Gotta find
Who's now number one
And why my angel eyes ain't here
Tell me why my angel eyes ain't here
Excusez moi my angel eyes ain't here
Excuse me while I disappear

Pretty much an end to it all.

2009-04-05T15:46:00.003+08:00

Last friday's strat and urban econ classes marked the end of my four-year education in SMU. And then it was followed by a night of music at Starrynight (my first and last one), drinks at ICB followed by boardgames galore in the library all the way till 6am! And I also saw with my very own eyes a car skid and crash into the railings right in front of the sch library. A fast and furious night in deed.

I must say its quite memorable spending the last days of school with some of my favorite people in SMU.

Two exams to go, and then i'll be off to shanghai!

~

你的倩影

2009-04-05T14:48:00.003+08:00

在人群中，我一直感覺到你的存在。

人來人往的儅兒，又好像看到你那熟悉的背影滑過我身旁。有好幾次，一股衝動竟油然而身，好想叫出你的名字。但最終還是領悟到那背影並不屬於你。

那天我們終于碰面了。是恰巧的碰面。我感覺到你的不自在，也不時把話講個不停，掩飾自己的尷尬。

過後你很快就請便離去。儅你轉過身後，我站在牆角看著你的倩影漸漸消失。我的視線也同時模了糊，心裏想著何時才能再見到你。

~

Hoping for a bright saturday to come

2009-03-18T10:20:00.002+08:00

Meeting dad's oncologist this Saturday to discuss and review effects of his therapy over the past two dreadful months.

Really hope the doc won't recommend further chemo. Apparently, my dad's case was among one of those raised at a recent committee meeting the doc had attended. And they were discussing the new drug that had been given to my Dad. So depending on what transpired from that meeting, the doc might recommend more chemo...which basically means we get thrown into the prison again.

Can't help but these worrying thoughts just keep filling me. All i want now is for a bright Saturday to come. Let's continue to stay positive.

~

Kids these days are scary..

2009-03-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

Just completed a squash game at Singapore Cricket Club.,...played some JC girl who's supposed to be damn good...but she fared poorly and i wondered why at first......cramping up right at the start of the game...giving me an easy 2 sets up.....and then half way thru the third set, she held both her legs and broke into tears.....totally scared the crap out of me....

and so the game ended..but i was still abit traumatised....

then i realized she had a long tiring day...did physical training in the morning and then rushed down to language centre for her french classes...n then rushed over to SCC again for squash match.

Kids these days are so scary.....what's wrong with the Singapore system man...why have the ministries (and parents) turned their kids into monsters??

The girl limped her way out of the toilet at the end of the match. As i enjoyed my complimentary glass of beer, i could only look at my crestfallen opponent, thinking how pitiful she has been.

Do they really have no choice?

~

Life in SMU: 20 thoughts/memories

2009-03-11T11:18:00.001+08:00

A note i started on FB.

I know some of you can't wait to graduate and part with the air in the Seminar Rooms/GSRs forever. But somehow, as I count down towards my last academic day in SMU (Strategy Final Paper on 18 Apr 2009), i can't help but to feel a tinge of sadness (yes, being emo!) about completing the last mile of this journey. There are things which I'm glad I have achieved, and some which I have regretted doing or not doing.

So here's my 20 random thoughts/memories about SMU from a graduating student's perspective.

===========================================

1) A pity I didn't get to experience life at the old Bukit Timah Campus. How nice it would have been to have a garden in the university's backyard. Some of those NUS law students hor still complain so much about the place being too ulu..haha.

2) My first lesson in SMU, i remember, was LTB. There were 6 girls and 2345678987654 guys in that class, thanks to Registrar's brilliant idea (rumored) of arranging the class register based on NRIC numbers. However, great friendships, project groups and ONE brilliant couple has emerged from that class. So it'll always be a memorable university class I have attended.

3) Graduating at a time of recession certainly isn't very healthy for our morale as we gear ourselves up for start of worklife. But i think not many people will live through such tough times to be able to tell future generations about their struggles and bleakness at the point of graduation. Then again, what doesn't kill u will only make u tougher. So brace yourselves, my friends!

4) To call yourself a true blue econs or finance major, you really need to do more modules under each discipline man really. I generally feel the modular requirements under each major should be stepped up to allow students to learn more areas of the field.

5) Enough said about scrapping TWC, merging BGS & Ethics modules, making FT a pass/fail module...i don't think they're ever gonna change the system for years to come anyway, cos these uni core mods are part of SMU's selling points anyway.

6) For those majoring in Finance Majors, you really should be taking FAM (I think it's called Financial Mathematics now) as a compulsory module just like how Econs students must do Maths For Econs in their freshman year. FAM really provides good foundation in finance basics.

7) I'm actually damn glad that there's no FYP requirement for my majors. But then again, i probably won't be able to tell anyone anything about acad stuffs like thesis-writing.

8) Ok, I really regret not going on exchange. But then again, the situation wouldn't have permitted me to go away as well.

9) It was really a privilege to learn sailing thru' SMU Sailing Club, something you don't get to do easily from elsewhere. Go try it out! At least go learn how to sail dinghy boats for leisure or something.

10) To be fair, I think Office of Career Services (OCS) has done a pretty good job in providing avenues for internships and job-hunting.Maybe what they need to do is to increase their transparency in selecting resumes to send to companies for internships.

11) They should make Overseas Comm Service (OCIP) a compulsory pursuit for all students man. Seriously, OCIP can be very meaningful and is a cheap avenue to travel around exotic places. Also, this is where (again) strong friendships, couples and beautiful memories are formed.

12) SMU terms are darn short, totally not conducive to find girlfriends and boyfriends. While school terms are for mugging and scoring good grades, summers and december breaks are meant for enjoying yourself and pick up useful non-acad skills. So for the younger ones, forget about doin' summer modules really (unless u bo bian).

13) The rich gets richer, the poor gets poorer. This is somehow what I felt while trying to run a sports cca in SMU, struggling to fight for bigger budgets and getting ourselves recognized as a good sport that the school is worth investing in.

14) I don't understand why the school always has to spend money replanting the grass on Campus Green after the grass gets destroyed cos of various school functions held there or due to massive stampedes by wild people tossing flying UFOs or giant olive fruits around!

15) Fujitsu laptop fans seriously cannot make it. How many of you out there are holding fujitsu laptops that produce ferrari engine sounds?

16) I think we have a nice backyard with the national history museum and fort canning providing both grandeur and serenity. But somehow, i only found myself walking up and down the pavement connecting Sch of Econs and the Sch Library, stealing envious glances of tourists going in and out of the museum. Eh people, let's do an outing to the history museum (free admissioN!) before leaving SMU! Anything free is good (I quote KY)!

17) I should've taken the opportunity to do an overseas internship and experience foreign culture and independent living instead of doing some local saikang work just to get the supposedly nice name of the company on my resume. I think I was very narrow-minded in that sense.

18) I wish I've borrowed and read more books frm the SMU library. They really have some very good (albeit small) fiction collection in there. Geeeekies say aye!

19) I honestly think I would not have been very much different if i had gone to either NUS or NTU business school. But still, it's the things you see and the people you meet who make the experience a unique one. The opportunities offered by this school are plentiful. A pity I didn't grab enough of them. The way we all morphed has also been slow and subliminal. It's only in seeing how others have changed that we see some reflection of ourselves. Still, I hope all of us have stayed true to ourselves, dump the bad and bring along the good with us when we leave SMU.

20) Fate has brought me into SMU and meet some of you very great people out there. Cheers to our friendships for many many years to go. For those whose toes I've stepped on or whom I've upset, hope we can let bygones be bygones and all the best for your future endeavors yea.

===============================================

2009-02-28T19:22:00.002+08:00

I accompanied him to the stadium for an evening run.

We were in the lift, and he spoke to me, "I heard you were planning to go Vietnam. Why didn't you go? You've booked the tickets already why never go?"

I said nothing and was wondering how he even knew about it, cos I didn't remember telling him or my mom about my intended trip which was to take place this week actually.

'Papa is ok and can handle this on my own.' You should've just gone la.'

I stayed silent, but felt like i was screaming deep within. There're more reasons why I shouldn't be feeling crappy anymore.

Around the world...

2009-02-23T13:02:00.003+08:00

Good news...

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE WON BEST PICTURE @ 81ST ACADEMY AWARDS!!!!

& Bad News...

LIVERPOOL drew Manchester City 1-1....reducing their chances of winning this season's title :(

7.15pm

2009-02-22T22:29:00.003+08:00

I love this time of the day, when I look out of my window and the lights have just come on.

睡觉。醒来。忘记。

2009-02-22T21:55:00.003+08:00

"睡觉。醒来。忘记。"

This has been my MSN nick for the past one week and has invited quite a few questions and remarks, whether I had plunged into a deep sleep and whether there's something i was trying to forget.

Hmm, of late, I was on a more positive track again, able to fill up those pockets of time with productive things, happy things, and to face up to many of my friends whom I had previously felt disconnected from. I was better able to departmentalize my mind once again, to prevent the spillover effect from a nasty turmoil and to isolate those negative thoughts. Perhaps that's cos Papa's treatment is nearing an end, marking the end of a dreadful string of daily hospital visits; and the start of a stronger recovery. Of late, I see more smiles on his face, more natural ones, each one urging me on to lead tomorrow more fully.

And to lead tomorrow more fully, I should not bring along yesterday's emotional baggage and wallow in pity and frustration all the time - something I'm extremely prone to. I believe a large part of fate is in my own hands, that I can seize control of it and have it my way. And that leaving behind those baggage n looking back with no regrets are perhaps the most central part of moving forward with greater force. In the process I see myself in a staid world of settled sedateness and prim self-restraint, a restraint from being sucked into yesterday's thoughts once again.

Seems like I've metaphorized the same thing many times over, the last time using the image of shackles - freeing myself from shackles whose key i was holding in my own hand. I guess they all point to the same thing, that is to wave goodbye to yesterday, to be more big-hearted and to be a better man with each passing day.

~

Miracle

2009-02-17T12:35:00.005+08:00

I was fortunate and blessed to be able to share the moment of truth with my mom, just as I clicked opened the email.

Tada!

The last 2 out of 14 papers I cleared, the last mile of a long long journey.

It's been five years, during which I stumbled and fell and eventually develop the conviction that audit and accounting weren't what I want to do, for sure. Nevertheless, I've come so far down the road. It was no turning back, and there was no way I can just walked off the path. So I pressed on.

56-pass. I remembered staring at the first compulsory question of the adv.corp rep paper. It carried 50 marks, and it was a consolidated CFS question which I totally did not prepare. It was always consol balance sheet year after year. I remembered panicking a great deal in the exam hall, until i decided to just give up the paper and leave. Cos 50 marks is half the score of the paper...confirm fail mah. Then I saw all around me mainland china girls, many many of them who struggled with their poor command of English but still persevered to finish the certification. They all started writing fiercely on their answer booklets. Pride got the better of me, so I went back to my seat and recalled bits of what I learnt in FA and CorpRep in SMU, I did some creative accounting and cooked up a CFS that would eventually balance. I remembered walking out of the exam with that bitter taste in my mouth, totally feeling shitty.

I was wondering if the marker had checked on my background and realized i was in desperate need to pass the exams. It's been five years already (but of course it's becos i took the papers one by one at my own pace..SMU work was simply too overwhelming). Or maybe this kind soul has taken instructions from the Board to be extremely lenient, to pass as many candidates as he possibly could - in view of a potential global headcount freeze by all the audit firms. Not that passing or not would matter to me actually. But thanks anyway, kind soul.

It was really impossible not to fail that paper, trust me. In any case, things like that do make me believe in miracles in life sometimes, to convince me of some form of divine intervention, to lead me one step closer to believe in God's will.

I rem talking to steph that I was in desperate need of a major event that could flood me with happiness, given the conditions i'm facing at home right now. And here it comes, smacked on my face and sending me skyhigh.

One step at a time. I believe I can be a happier man.

~

Saturday in my own world

2009-01-31T14:36:00.003+08:00

Saturday in my own world.

More books to contain the tempest toss within....

Strength

2009-01-27T20:58:00.002+08:00

This is perhaps one of the most dreadful CNYs i've ever had in years, but we made it thru'. We had a good reunion dinner and we ate steamboat twice, yesterday and today. We shook hands and entertained guests like we have always did. The strength that binds us together remained strong, if not stronger.

Tomorrow we will hold hands and walk to the battlefront. We will face the enemy with no fear, for the only thing to fear is fear itself.

Hang in there, little boy. This is not the time to run away.

~

Cold winds

2009-01-18T09:13:00.002+08:00

The cold winds woke me up at dawn.

They came to forewarn me of the difficult days ahead.

~

Ernest wants to....

2009-01-07T16:32:00.002+08:00

1 Read and write....descriptive, reflective, expelling, tumultuous, tranquil, me.

2 Travel....The Philippines, Shanghai, Japan, Laos, Vietnam (again!).

3 Run...run to rejoice, run to escape...many many miles ahead.

4 Reunite with all his good friends...celebrate the end of one journey and the start of another...together.

~

Searching my literary soul

2009-01-07T15:57:00.002+08:00

Have been wanting to search my literary soul, so decided to get down to some well-acclaimed fiction. I hope it helps me develop some skills and style in short story writing for my Creative Writing course in SMU this semester.

2009渴望做到的十点

2009-01-02T20:35:00.004+08:00

2009渴望做到十点。

1 乐观一点,
2 友善一点,
3 大方一点,
4 坚持一点,
5 理性一点,
6 苗条一点,
7 准时一点,
8 顽皮一点,
9 冒险一点。
10 开心一点。

一年之后告诉你我达到了几点。