睡觉。醒来。忘记。

"睡觉。醒来。忘记。"

This has been my MSN nick for the past one week and has invited quite a few questions and remarks, whether I had plunged into a deep sleep and whether there's something i was trying to forget.

Hmm, of late, I was on a more positive track again, able to fill up those pockets of time with productive things, happy things, and to face up to many of my friends whom I had previously felt disconnected from. I was better able to departmentalize my mind once again, to prevent the spillover effect from a nasty turmoil and to isolate those negative thoughts. Perhaps that's cos Papa's treatment is nearing an end, marking the end of a dreadful string of daily hospital visits; and the start of a stronger recovery. Of late, I see more smiles on his face, more natural ones, each one urging me on to lead tomorrow more fully.

And to lead tomorrow more fully, I should not bring along yesterday's emotional baggage and wallow in pity and frustration all the time - something I'm extremely prone to. I believe a large part of fate is in my own hands, that I can seize control of it and have it my way. And that leaving behind those baggage n looking back with no regrets are perhaps the most central part of moving forward with greater force. In the process I see myself in a staid world of settled sedateness and prim self-restraint, a restraint from being sucked into yesterday's thoughts once again.

Seems like I've metaphorized the same thing many times over, the last time using the image of shackles - freeing myself from shackles whose key i was holding in my own hand. I guess they all point to the same thing, that is to wave goodbye to yesterday, to be more big-hearted and to be a better man with each passing day.

~