49th day

Yesterday was the 49th day since my God Grandma passed.

In Chinese customs, we would have to commemorate every 7th day up to the 49th day of the relative's passing, thereafter officially move the relative's altar from a secondary (lower) position in the house to the main (higher) altar deck, signifying that the deceased has completed his/her journey to the other world. Once rested on the altar deck, God Grandma's altar would be resting alongside her demised husband who passed away some 31 years ago, and also with the ancestral altars at the same level.

The ceremony was a simple yet traditional one. We made our offerings of some vegetarian food, fruits and candy bars, lighted joss sticks and burnt incense paper and bade farewell to our well-respected God Grandma (once again).

Before we left, mom and pap had a chat with God Grandma's immediate son and grandson, talking about God Grandma in her younger days. My uncle took out an old chocolate tin that contained many old photographs of God Grandma together with random people, including my uncle himself, my dad and my late great grandfather. And then they started raking up the old memories just by talking through these photographs, many of the stories driving at how my God Grandma was like as a woman back then. I can't help but to take out my iPhone and took a few pictures of these photographs. These precious photographs of which many stories were told.

This is a priceless picture taken some 55 years ago. A family portrait that was an important part of every decent household's living room decors, when children symbolized hope and prosperity of the Chinese. Sitting in the middle are God Grandma and her late husband, both of whom I heard were very ill-tempered people. The kid on the left is my dad while the fatter boy on the right is my uncle. Sadly, both boys weren't the flesh and blood of the couple sitting in the middle. After God Grandma had a miscarriage, for some reason, they just stopped trying for kids. Uncle pointed out to me how intimately God Grandma was holding my Dad's hand in the picture. He said it spoke a lot about their relationship back then. My mom said that when a kid isn't your own flesh and blood, no matter what the kid wouldn't accept you wholeheartedly as his/her own parent. I think this is quite true.





This very unfriendly looking man is my great grandfather. This was part of a picture of him and a little boy with a typical mainland chinese kid's hairstyle. It was this picture that successfully allowed my Uncle to enter Singapore. In those post-WW2 days when the old British government was extremely cautious with the influx of Chinese immigrants, they set strict laws that only allowed children whose relatives are in Singapore already to be able to come into the country. Great Grandpa had shown this photograph to the authorities and had to tell a lie or something because Uncle's natural parents are still back in China and there's no such thing as adoption or whatsoever. Naturally, birth certificates didn't seem to be a useful form of verification. So photographs were probably the best things to bring children from China into Singapore. Thereafter, Uncle was placed under the care of God Grandma and has lived with her since then.



I was often told God Grandma was a righteous and fearless (and therefore naturally ill-tempered) person. She was also adventurous, having lived through the times knowing that inventions had come about and that people are no longer stuck in their own silos in this big big world. So she traveled as much as she could. She had gone back to mainland China many times, something that showed where her heart really belongs to. In this picture, she was already at least in her late 70s but had no fear of doing things like crossing a bamboo bridge. Surely, it is her sense of adventure that allowed her to live such a long life. Truly admirable.


And then before we left, i took a walk around the spacious 4-room HDB flat as though tracing God Grandma's footsteps while she was still living in the flat. And then i stepped into the room she once occupied. It was spacious and rather empty except for the bed she once slept on and an old-school dressing table that was kept in more or less the same condition as when God Grandma was still around.


A phone with giant buttons for the elderly who can't see properly


God Grandma's room. It's sad walking into the room.


God Grandma's dressing table, pretty much still in its original state

I am sure God Grandma has moved onto a very much nicer place and is able to see all of us from up there. And now that she knows all the things about my dad's health that we have been trying to hide from her, I hope she has forgiven us for doing that and will continue to bless us with good health.

~