Bad boy...

It's 5am plus now...i decided since i've worked til so late after laboring thru so much Labor Econs, I might as well just wait til the break of dawn...

It's amazing how I managed to not step out of my house for 3 days in a row...it's a record since the beginning of the year. In these few days at home, i spoke to my parents more than i usually did on normal school days...damn sad rite?....everyday just walk in and out of the house takin for granted that I don't have to care about matters at home.

Today don't know why got myself into a fierce debate with my mom over political issues in singapore, minister's pay among other mr brown issues...and then I realize my mom and i can't see eye to eye on certain things...she thinks i'm shallow, naive and simpleminded and i criticised her lack of ability to justify her words using statistics or real examples rather than mere sweeping assumptions....and then somehow she started saying her greatest regret is that she failed to produce children of scholarly-material and she can't be well-fed like the ministers' mothers in the future yada yada...and then i was momentarily very insulted and hurled my bazooka piercing words at her saying that she was merely a civil servant and it's in her lousy genes anyway yada yada... n then i thought i kind of upset her quite a bit...

it's not the first time that we engaged in some pointless and sometimes mindless squabbles over the most frivolous or unimportant (to our lives) issues. The bottomline is that I feel she's always trying to hurt my ego and I'm especially not used to criticisms especially by the very person who raised me and gave me material freedom.

I realized things had nver really improved between me and my mom after so many years. I've never really gave her joy in her life and the large part of our interaction time was either spent on upsetting each other or hearing each other's complaints about people. She's working and i'm studying so that creates a greater divergence in our time spent together. she's the most fearsome and i'm the most fearless in this household...How sad can a mother-and-son relationship get? especially for someone who's about to gain financial independence soon, and then start his own family, build his own empire...

I feel like a little boy everytime I think about the unstable relationships I have with people at home...

4 damn months to reflect soon...need to do some serious soul-searching, reanalyze my life..my lifestyle, my loved ones, friendships, academic, career, relationships, passions...why things are not going smoothly for me...why i always have to wallow in pity over my character and personality flaws...

it's time to be myself no more...




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