Seems like it's inevitable to eventually be swept by that irresistible tide into the giant whirlpool, be lost in the concrete jungle and then tossed onto the track where the rat race never ends.
It's been two weeks into the job. All's gone well so far. Lots of learning opportunities from big brothers and sisters at the workplace. Trying hard not to make myself look and sound unintelligent but i guess i can never avoid beginners' bloopers. The sad initiation for a junior analyst in a credit-crunching world. It all starts from being thick-skinned and raising the first stupid question during a team discussion. Getting tossed out of the salad bowl and then picked up and dumped back in again.
I am looking forward. A tad too forward, maybe 3 to 5 years into the future, whereby I can look back and share with my colleagues the joy and satisfaction of laying the foundations for the business at the firm. That's provided I survive the everyday concrete jungle warfare till then.
So it seems many aspects of working life did turn out like what I had expected. I guess I have stopped swimming against the tide. But I hope I don't drown. And I know it sounds silly, but I've been psychoing myself to look forward to work everyday, the knowledge and experience awaiting my collection, the people I shake hands and exchange name cards with, the slow climb up the ladder and the ability to spend money carefreely.
But losses are aplenty. Loss of time, loss of touch with some friends, loss of old forgotten skills, loss of appreciation for all that's associated with the beauty and serenity of the quiet, plain and simple, loss of touch with matters at home, matters involving those who truly matter to me. I guess some of these losses are inevitable because time and energy are just such scarce resources.
As cliched as it sounds, we all are masters of our own time and there is always time for everytime. It's just a matter of will power, a bit of discipline, a bit of prioritization and planning and a bit of sacrifice. I was hoping to revise Jap all over again and pick up from where I left it off. I also wanted to learn Business Mandarin, golf, acoustic guitar etc fleeting desires. But all these still became secondary to paperchasing. It's C-to-the-F-to-the-A for me at the end of the year. I better make sure I still have the motivation to study for it while I'm still fresh from school.
And of course I want to look good or look even better, gonna do my running regime all over again and I swear I won't pay lip service this time round. It's for good health anyway. The day when I fill my Dad's miserable shoes might eventually come, but I don't wanna wait till the day comes without putting up a fight.
Everyday I just wanna garner strength and inspiration and be as tireless as I can with the scarce resources I have. I want to gain insights and derive pleasure from the everyday visscitudes of life. I wanna rock boats with every surge and ebb of the tide. I wanna look back and remember how I ascend from one lower lifeform to a higher one, and marvel at how brilliant this transformation has been. And while my tireless army marches on, I do also wish I lose neither my bearings nor myself.
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