Throw in the towel?

Before we go on and say grades are not everything and that they don't matter anymore once you get your first paycheck blah blah, I would just like to comment that there are realities which we still have to face.

We still have to hold back our breaths each time we log onto the school's intranet to check our grades, feel the joy feel the disappointment, dance around the chair or bang table or yell a big F word at your screen which makes u look utterly stupid... and then we do a post-mortem of our performance thru'out the term with all the regretful "if-only-i-had..."

In SMU the drop from one higher grade to a lower grade is almost like jumping off a cliff. The worse thing is you don't die when you hit the bottom. You only can choose to stay down there or try hooking your fingers into the crevices and climb back up again. It's almost unredeemable.

And then you ask yourself, if you've gotten straight B+ in every module and graduated with a 3.3 which is 0.1 point grade from achieving a Cum Laude (honors), does it mean you suck and the best you deserve is only a basic salary? It's analogous to scoring 8 A2s in 'O' Levels and not able to enter the top 5 JCs. It's not really comforting oneself with statistical manipulation of those miserable B-ananas on his transcript. No good means no good, part of it could be explained by grades, part of it by moments of weakness and the rest of it by sheer arse luck.

It's a matter of rethinking a plan and not resigning to getting all the B-ananas. Sitting there waiting for bananas only makes you a monkey. As much as we shouldn't beat ourselves up over our apparently lacklustre performance (which is measured by personal expectations of course), we should stop using the "grades-are-not-everything" pretext to exempt ourselves from reflection and rework, if not we'll continue to fall further.

And the most important thing, I'd say, is we shouldn't resign to it!

~

Summer@TheTheatres

Gonna spend alot of money watching movies at the theatres this summer man....still havent counted in the sgfilmfest shows...

Look what's in store....

Who wants to go watch with me???

~

movies galore 2

Watched more movies...and i somehow can identify a superficial theme from each of them...

Sexuality


Racism/Delinquency

Happiness (duh..)

Particularly like 20 centimetres alot cos firstly it's a foreign film (Spanish). I think foreign films are just so creative, colorful and paints a more realistic yet humorous picture of life. Secondly, it's funny cos it makes fun of transvestite whores but at the same time bring out the sad emotional stories behind each of their identity crises. And definitely, I like the movie because half the movie was like an MTV...lots of Broadway-style singing n dramatic displays of a transvestite's dreams of becoming a woman. I'd recommend the show to anyone who needs a good laugh.

And btw, no prizes for guessing why the title's 20 centimetres. Don't you act innocent!!


~

一切都有定時

自傳道書第三章（Ecclesiastes 3) :

“凡事都有定期，天下萬務都有定時。

生有時，死有時。
栽種有時，拔出所栽種的也有時。
殺戮有時，醫治有時。
拆毀有時，建造有時。
哭有時，笑有時。
哀慟有 時，跳舞有時。
拋擲石頭有時，堆聚石頭有時。
懷抱有時，不懷抱有時。
尋找有時，失落有時。
保守有時，捨棄有時。
撕裂有時，縫補有時。
靜默有時，言語有時。
喜愛有時，恨惡有時。
爭戰有時，和好有時

……我心裡說，神必審判義人和惡人。因為在那裡，各樣事務，一切工作，都有定時。”

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

...

17I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.

這可能是聖經中最美的章節之一，也曾出自國父孫中山先生余致力國民革命之名言。

雖不是教徒，但我相信書中定義和確實是沒有人能爭辯的。


~

Watch out...

The lousy cheong-ed G-shock i bought from Phnom Penh Central Market last december died on me during the SLC.

I need a new digital watch! Something like this will go well with my dark complexion, but it's gonna be more like an accessory than a training watch.

~

movies galore

A couple of old shows that I watched since exams were over...

lacking some popcorns and....yea just popcorns.

~

Back from SLC 2007

K it wasn't as bad as I thought, thanks to all the wonderful people who attended the camp. Got weiling and daniel poh and my treasurer enough liao! And didn't expect the crowd to have so many year twos also...thought everyone would be a freshie or something. ...made frens wif a couple of new fella cca leaders n stuff..hope everyone can still recognize one another in 5 months' time.

and NACLI camp is a chalet man....food n lodging are like WHOOOAAA...SSU well done la....but relli i'd rather the budget spent on tis camp be allocated to the clubs man...dun need such a nice place to discuss policy issues la...

Pictures from SLC'07 (courtesy of weiling)...

Chapalang presidents, VPs, treasurers, saikang warriors from various clubs going out for supper

With Daniel "Lampard" Poh aka Daniel PLP (Judo)

With Pomelo Lim Weiling aka Da Beefcake (Dragonboat)

BBQ & Fruit Fiesta night...the food is super alot and damn shiok la...

Front: Peiren (badminton); Middle: Siewling (my squash treasurer); Back: Azleen (Silat), Jiayan (volleyball), me, mel (climb team)

SMU sports fraternity leaders.

Really hope got more money, more interested players and more competitions next year.


~

To our friends abroad...

The Virginia Tech Uni shootout was one hell of a scary shit. Why are there so many twisted ppl in this world who think that what they can touch and feel are nothing but a Counterstrike simulation? And why do they have to channel all their angst and WTFness deep down inside their ruthless souls onto harmless n innocent people, some of whom they do not even know?

I'm not sure if I'm getting emo over this incident that took place miles away from where i am, cos my sis and some close frens study abroad and they do not know which twisted fark they'll unfortunately meet one day. But there's a reason to worry for them.

I guess all we can do at home is to pray for our beloved family frens overseas, that they lead a safe and comfortable life everyday.

And even though you and I, who see each other everyday in school over lessons and projects, are safe and sound at our homely library desks and seminar rooms, we should not take our peaceful lives for granted. It's not so much a matter of extolling the anti-terrorist virtues of national security here in our homeland. It's about appreciating our very conflict-free existence because as friends, we love one another despite the way we think and act differently.


~

我想揍你已经很久, 别想走...

Movies, Drinking, Mahjong, KTVing....guess that's quite a lot done over 3 days...

can't believe i'm gonna spend the rest of my break at NACLI camp for SMU Sports Leaders' Camp...shit i'm dreading like mad to go....it better be worth the time!

Got jap exam on sunday somemore...and then next tuesday term 3A starts liao...

Finally spotted one intern position on Ontrac that begins in June, but the company sounds like some toilet-size mickey mouse firm....i shall continue to wait and source for my own, until i'm left with no choice ba. A june-aug internship definitely sounds more appealing to me than another summer term.

~

Was randomly flipping some SCV channels after i came home just now, and then there was 李敖 (Taiwanese historian/politician) and 方文山 (Jay chou's sidekick lyricist) on the 沈春華 Life Show. The host was comparing their godly writing skills and stuff, and then they talked about their love life and how their lives were shaped by women. Apparently, 李敖 attempted suicide when his first gf ditched him, and 方文山 remarked that killing yourself breaks the heart of the woman who had raised you for over 20 yrs and only leaves the ungrateful one momentarily stunned. So it's stupid to do stupid things for an unworthy woman...and 李敖 went "說得好!"

Pretty interesting reality show...apparently 方文山 wrote a total of 200 over song lyrics and 李敖's favorite one was that of Jay Chou's 鬥牛 from his first album, because in it there was a line that goes

你拿了球不投
又不会掩护我
选你这种队友
瞎透了我

and 李敖 thinks this is exactly what's happening in the Taiwanese congress where partners in political action often backstab one another supposedly.

Just love the wits and candor sprinkled all over the tv conversation.....i should be watching more shows like this...


~tmd relli dun feel like going tmr's camp.....nbcb

So what's gonna happen this summer?

And there goes the final whistle...and there i was...walking off the pitch half feeling relieved and half feeling like crap and feeling damn bloody cold (the sports hall aircon)....and it's always gotten over by the self-encouraging you-could've-done-better attitude, but it serves no use when the big fat alphabet flies out of your PC screen and smack right onto your face. All the blood, sweat, angst, sacrifice and dulan-ness that you've suffered for the past 14 weeks will all be summed up by that single alphabet. I guess i've escaped relegation tis time round..but still there's potential for a lot more improvement leh...especially my lacklustre attitude towards my internship application, my screwed up priorities for the summer....

But still time is gonna pass...and tis is basically the confirmed sequence of major, minor and not-worth-mentioning events that i've done or i'll be doin' lor

Apr 15-17 : Squash+Phuture+Movies+Mahjong
Apr 16 : Study for Jap end-of-term test
Apr 17 : KTV with econs dudes?
Apr 18-20 : Sports Leader Summit Camp
Apr 22 : Jap end-of-term test
Apr 23 - 17 May : Summer course FNCE102 (FIIM)
May 8-12 : SMU Squash Fever 2007
May 18-21 : In Hong Kong
May 25 : FIIM final exam
July : Summer 2008 Exchange Programme Application
Jun-Aug : Hopefully can find internship
or
July : Holiday in Japan with family


So basically the biggest disappointment this summer is that i can't go Boston to attend mike's commencement ceremony because of clash of schedules...sian diao...and then the next bigger disappointment will be the Bloomberg rejection...and hopefully the list just ends here...

And then there's the Great Overhaul...I need to get alot of things replaced, removed or repaired...

1) Handphone
2) Handphone plan
3) Wardrobe ( i need more formal working attire and a new suit)
4) Hairstyle
5) Fitness
6) Attitude
7) Family relationships
8) ...
9) ......

A lot more things eh....


~

Penalty shootout...

Ok i learnt my lesson...never sleep late before the day of an exam...was like a zombie today..n i forgot to do one part of a question....arrgh...送分 but 沒有拿!

3 more kicks in the penalty shootout....I don't wanna be Trezeguet...

Bad boy...

It's 5am plus now...i decided since i've worked til so late after laboring thru so much Labor Econs, I might as well just wait til the break of dawn...

It's amazing how I managed to not step out of my house for 3 days in a row...it's a record since the beginning of the year. In these few days at home, i spoke to my parents more than i usually did on normal school days...damn sad rite?....everyday just walk in and out of the house takin for granted that I don't have to care about matters at home.

Today don't know why got myself into a fierce debate with my mom over political issues in singapore, minister's pay among other mr brown issues...and then I realize my mom and i can't see eye to eye on certain things...she thinks i'm shallow, naive and simpleminded and i criticised her lack of ability to justify her words using statistics or real examples rather than mere sweeping assumptions....and then somehow she started saying her greatest regret is that she failed to produce children of scholarly-material and she can't be well-fed like the ministers' mothers in the future yada yada...and then i was momentarily very insulted and hurled my bazooka piercing words at her saying that she was merely a civil servant and it's in her lousy genes anyway yada yada... n then i thought i kind of upset her quite a bit...

it's not the first time that we engaged in some pointless and sometimes mindless squabbles over the most frivolous or unimportant (to our lives) issues. The bottomline is that I feel she's always trying to hurt my ego and I'm especially not used to criticisms especially by the very person who raised me and gave me material freedom.

I realized things had nver really improved between me and my mom after so many years. I've never really gave her joy in her life and the large part of our interaction time was either spent on upsetting each other or hearing each other's complaints about people. She's working and i'm studying so that creates a greater divergence in our time spent together. she's the most fearsome and i'm the most fearless in this household...How sad can a mother-and-son relationship get? especially for someone who's about to gain financial independence soon, and then start his own family, build his own empire...

I feel like a little boy everytime I think about the unstable relationships I have with people at home...

4 damn months to reflect soon...need to do some serious soul-searching, reanalyze my life..my lifestyle, my loved ones, friendships, academic, career, relationships, passions...why things are not going smoothly for me...why i always have to wallow in pity over my character and personality flaws...

it's time to be myself no more...




~

Skrik, 1893

So this was where i got my inspiration for my nickname...first saw this expressionist painting by Norwegian artist Edvard Munch in JC...and it struck me quite deeply how Munch was able to capture the angst of the World in this single picture. There is a couple of versions to this seminal series...there's one translated into lithograph (b&w) and another in tempera on cardboard...but this one is still the classic...

“	I was walking along a path with two friends—the sun was setting—suddenly the sky turned blood red—I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence—there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city—my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety—and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.	„
—Edvard Munch

And then those smartypants went to analyze the picture and said the red sky was due to the explosion of the volcano Mt Krakatoa...but oh wellz, it still sort of represented the angst of Mother Nature, aptly-described by Munch's 'infinite scream passing through nature'.


~

Summer bummer

Yepz...it's all predestined i'm gonna be a bummer this summer...

Din get my bloomberg internship...i guess the competition is just too tight and my 2nd interview was like #$@#*&@#&!

Gonna take Term 3A FIIM and wait to see if there're internships starting in June. If don't have, gonna take another summer mod in Term 3B...Meanwhilez, HK here i come! Going to attend Sammi Cheng's concert and it's smacked right in the middle of the summer study break before the finals...

Still contemplating whether to go Boston or not...