Sausage Fest @ Bali

10 Dec-13 Dec 2009
(with sean, KY, GY and dex)

























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Death in the family

God Grandma (Dad's godma) passed away last sunday, n that was just after i completed my CFA exams. Was back in office and completely swamped cos needed to finish up all the work before i headed off for my bali trip. So the first half of last week was crazy for me.

Godgrandma's already 95 yrs old. I was told she's as old as my late grandfather if he were still alive. Godgrandma was an old neighbor of our family. When Dad was a little boy, being youngest in a relatively big family, he was often a neglected child and was adored and well looked after by Godgrandma. At one point, Godgrandma even asked my Granddad if she could adopt Dad as her son, having lost a child of her own thru' an unfortunate miscarriage. She never had a child of her own after that. In her youth, she was a righteous but vengeful person. My own grandma, being the 2nd wife of my granddad, was often 'bullied' by the older wife. Godgran felt terribly unjust for my grandma but couldn't do anything more than lending some space in her house for grandma during grandma's confinement days after giving birth to Dad.

Up to her very last days, Godgran still very much regarded Dad as her own son, often asking about him despite long periods of disconnect during the days of Dad's cancer treatment. Everyone kept her in the dark though, afraid she would be overly upset about Dad's conditions back then.

That day at the funeral wake, it was the first time i saw Dad tear in a very very long time. He must have thought of those difficult times when he grew up under Godgrandma's care even when he's not her own flesh & blood. How could that kindness ever be repaid?

Anyway, the whole episode just flashed past very quickly in less than 4 days. I think it's probably cos Godgrandma was already v old, and her days were already numbered, so everyone was kinda mentally prepared. Godgrand fell down and was admitted to hospital the week before her passing, and Mom was informed about it but decided not to Dad know lest he worried too much. On hindsight, i was a tad pissed that Mom kept Dad in the dark cos Dad could've gotten the chance to see Godgrandma for one last time. But oh well, the intentions were good anyways. At least that saved Dad and Godgran some worries.

Year after year, with each old folk's demise, i was reminded of how quickly I had grown up into an adult, soon to find a gf, fill the shoes of a husband, a father, and walk the path that my Dad and Granddad had once taken. And while this process continues to evolve, when our hands are occupied with more responsibilities, we struggle to find time for ourselves and to be left alone. And in these pockets of personal times, we often have to stomach bouts of emptiness that often arise when we start asking ourselves what is the purpose of living our lives?

I shall think about it again tomorrow.



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CFA revision in progress

Snippets:

YJ: What is kurtosis ah?
TW: Just think of it as an erection. The higher the kurtosis, the greater the erection.
YJ: Then positive/negative skew depends on whether it's left or right huh?
TW: Haha.


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